This post was inspired by a prompt in the Worldbuilding community - Worldbuilding Prompt #596 - Royal Purple
It's been ages and ages since I wrote a post about Marv the Magnificent, my favourite (and somewhat hapless) gnomish entrepreneur and inventor. He originates from one of my D&D settings, although his stories are only very loosely based on the rules of Dungeons and Dragons !
"My Lord Prince !" Marv bowed deeply, sweeping the red top hat (which was almost as tall as he was diminutive) from his head.
He had a huge smile plastered across his youthful-looking face. It wasn't especially convincing; too much enthusiasm, too much of a fixed smile, and really quite inappropriate for an audience with such a notoriously touchy man.
Prince Valkar of Vardin scratched his nose and scowled down at the little person who had sought an audience with him.
"Well, gnome, out with it ! What are you trying to sell me that I don't want and haven't got time for ?"
Marv knew he had scored. For once, he hadn't been immediately thrown out or arrested.
"I have a most special gift for you, My Prince. You know, I am sure, of that most expensive of dyestuffs, Royal Purple. As the ruler of a realm deep inland and far from the salty sea, you no doubt have experienced the additional cost of a cloth made from the ground up shells of sea snails. Well I have developed, at great expense and after many years of diligent research, an alternative. Now, you can have purple clothing of the deepest intensity and just as high quality but at almost half of the cost !"
Prince Valkar raised an eyebrow. Marv knew the look; a man trying to appear cynical and disinterested, but in fact terribly keen to take advantage of such a brilliant offer.
"So how do you do it so cheaply, gnome ?" the Prince asked, a tone of suspicion in his voice.
"Ah, my Lord, I cannot give you the secret formula I spent so long developing. I call it Marv's Patent Purple. But suffice to say it is a carefully constructed balance between certain finely ground rocks and rare flowers, and the cloth is dyed using a mordant of my very own making."
Reaching down into the travelling trunk at his feet with his smile not slipping for an instant, Marv pulled out a fairly large package wrapped in tissue. Removing the paper, he passed the garments contained within to the Prince.
Prince Valkar looked at the gift with an expression of pleasure, excused himself, and returned a few minutes later wearing the outfit. It consisted of a tunic, hose and voluminous cloak, all of fine cloth and dyed a strong shade of purple. In fact it did look rather splendid, and the assembled courtiers burst into a round of genuine applause.
But after just a minute or two sitting in the warm throne room wearing his resplendent new garb, Prince Valkar's nose wrinkled. People near him edged away as discreetly as they could.
His face flushing slightly with the beginnings of anger, Valkar looked down at Marv. "Gnome, what is this terrible smell ? You said you made the mordant yourself; what exactly was it composed of ?"
The stench was unmistakeable now. Ammonia. The whole throne room was starting to stink of it, and most especially the area around the Prince.
Now, before Marv could answer, the Prince's nose wrinkled again, but this time he was trying to control a sneeze bought on by the awful smell. He failed, and let rip with a massive eruption.
As his large frame spasmed with the sneeze, the sudden movement caused a reaction. It became immediately clear that the mordant had failed to work, as dye exploded away from the Prince's new outfit in a great cloud of purple dust.
Everything and everyone in the vicinity was covered in the stuff. The floor, the walls, the courtiers, even the ceiling, were now all a deep shade of royal purple.
The Prince's face was as purple as his cloak and throne room, as he bellowed;.
"GUARDS ! GUARDS !"
Image created by AI in Nightcafe Studio
