As much as it sucks, the key difference between me and my nephew isn’t the 20 or so years. It’s the part where taking responsibility is no longer an option offered by teachable moments.
Horrifying isn’t it?
Any life-skill requires the ability and willingness to take responsibility. It’s not a punishment. Nor is it something to dread or fear. Taking responsibility helps us to build and sharpen important life skills like:
A responsibility is something for which you are accountable. When done right, taking responsibility is immensely rewarding. After-all, it’s what we all wanted as kids.
You’re responsible for your friendships and familial relationships aren’t you? For an interpersonal relationship to have meaning, at least 2 of us have to take responsibility in developing, nurturing, and growing it.
When this is done properly, our interpersonal relationships become very rewarding. They become the essential units to having fulfilling and meaningful lives.
However, there is a difference between taking responsibility for developing your interpersonal relationships, and taking the blame when something goes bad, or wrong.
Blame is defined by having found fault with, holding at fault, and condemnation.
If a relationship goes bad, maybe it is your fault. Maybe it’s mine. Maybe I’m the one that screwed up by speaking out of turn. But usually, for a relationship to sour- especially long lasting relationships- both parties have to surrender their responsibility, or fall short of fulfilling their responsibilities in some way.
The problem is that any, and every, interpersonal relationship we have requires the participation of at least two people. Now this doesn’t mean that when a relationship falls you should find a way to blame the other party.
It just means it’s time to take some responsibility of your own. If a relationship falls or sours, then both of us fell short of doing the adult thing. This is when it becomes your responsibility to accept that. Conversely, it’s my turn to take a bit of responsibility as well.
Whether your significant other or you takes responsibility doesn’t really matter. Repairing any fallen relationship requires accepting responsibility, not tossing blame.
