Habits start to build since we are little. Some of them will get deprecated in time, some will not. We will get new ones, consciously or not.
We will amaze or annoy the ones around us with some of our habits but the strongest feeling is that we cannot escape them.
Actually we can, in 4 very clear step. Not an easy process, not a short one either. But deserves the struggle if it's a habit affecting ourselves, others or our relationship with them.
Maybe you are aware of a specific behavior, maybe not. But for sure you cannot say how often you're doing it. And you'll tent to reduce the number. Logic, as for you is a habit so less conscious thinking about it when doing it.
I will take as example my habit developed in the last year: Checking my phone all the time. This is something I want now to change.
Self observation means that I am becoming more aware of this habit, especially about how often it happens, when it happens and how I feel before. I don't try to change nothing yet, just notice.
First, I won't be able to notice it until it happened, in my case I will find myself with the phone in my hand, entering the password.
In time, the moment when I realize this get's closer and closer to the moment I take the unconscious choice to open my phone.
I usually set this observation period for around a month, depending how old my habit is.
This is THE MOMENT. And I will have now the possibility to choose consciously. This is the realization moment, when I am in control of my behavior and I don't act on auto-pilot, is bringing back from the unconscious mind something that I want to look at and change.
This does mean a lot but it's not enough to stop here.
Most of us get the aha moment and we think that from that point everything will be changed. It won't. It's just the beginning of the change and the real work starts now.
As said before, from here we have to work and to be resilient. The risk to quit my good intentions is maximized in this point as after the happiness that came with my aha moment I become aware that it was just an aha and my habit is still strong.
Now I will become more and more aware of the moments I tend to take my phone but this won't happen always. When I am tired, under pressure or emotional, I won't be able to control the habit and it will happen again. It's normal, no change comes immediately, we have to rewire the brain.
The sometimes will become often and the often will become most of the time. At this point I can say I have a new "habit" of not using my phone so often. Maybe with this will arise a new behavior, wanted or not. Maybe I'll hold my hand in the pocket, maybe I will take a pen with me or anything else to supply the past activity or maybe I will be able to keep that space empty.
For a period of time both habits will be with me, the old one and the new one I want to built. Depending on how old the initial habit was and how strongly written (how often it manifested) the process can take weeks or months.
The most important in all this change is my attitude towards myself. I have to be kind and patient. I have to trust myself that I can make the change and if at this point is too hard to give me the necessary time to do it.
A habit change is just a habit change. If I want to understand what triggered the initial behavior I have to look for more. In my case, for example, I use my phone a lot when I feel ignored or I want to disconnect from the context as it's not the place to be for me. It happens also when I am under the impression that I will loose a lot of important information if I'm not permanently connected to my phone. So I end up loosing a lot of important information not being connected to my reality.
A habit, no matter how bad it is, is there because once it filled some space and we needed it. Our brain/ body will always tend to minimize the effort so everything we do by default we do because it makes sense, or at least it made sense some time ago.
What is that habit you want to change?
