Have you ever had the though: "Does someone even care?" You are there waiting for something, or someone then this question pops up in your mind. And the sad thing is, when you start asking this kind of question is because you think you know the answer and it is a big NO! smashed in your face.
So you sit there looking at your phone, thinking "ok what I should do with myself now?" And you clearly have no idea. I'm sorry this feels a little bit too pessimistic, and, indeed, it is. That's how my mind work sometimes. It enters into this pessimistic mode and the only way to get out of it is sleeping. Since it is too early I can only distract myself for the next couple hours, and people say that writing helps.
It helps you to get things out of your chest and to process things better. That is true. I wonder sometimes when happiness will finally come. We have a kids song here in Brazil that says: "Enchanted dream were are you?" And that seems to be a good question. Were are these wonderful dreams I used to have? I'm not blaming anyone. Maybe I just didn't work hard enough, but I put myself out of bed every morning, pursuing others people dreams. I force myself to laugh and to have a good day just to come back home and see myself empty handed. Or sometimes what's worse, I see my heart empty.
I believe in God so I tell Him: "really? There's nothing for me again today?" And usually the answer is nothing but silence. It's been hard to struggle with life, but I'm making it through, I don't know how much far I can go. I just know that I made it today and that's enough.
