Love is a very cliché word. We tend to over use it for many things, 'Oh look, I love that show!", "I'm so in love with the color Pink" even the phrase "I love you" has become so common, so simple. It has completely lost it's meaning. What can you do when society has determined that love isn't no longer something with meaning, but more of a passenger thing? Society has made us believe that 'love' isn't real, that it doesn't exist. I believed that for the longest time, why should we have to put our effort on something that was bound to fail, to disappear. Because that's what it was...what it IS...it's something so fragile, volatile. It comes and goes as it pleases, no warnings, no apologies, no anything.
I particularly for the longest time did not believe in finding love, all those fairy tale narratives, those love at first sight anecdotes just didn't seem realistic anymore, I had grown up and had decided love was something you imagined. I spent years believing that the only person you could trust was indeed yourself. And that's exactly what helped me understand that love did indeed exist. That it was up to us as individuals to create it.
This is what I believe helped me forge the idea of what love really is, I understood that in order to experience that 'love' that we all seek we first had to love our own flaws, we had to understand that in the end it would only be up to us. Once you reach that level of self-appreciation and love, it becomes quite difficult for you to accept someone...I had given up on the idea, on the hope of finding what many desire...love was not an interest for me anymore.
Don't get me wrong, of course I wanted to have a family, for me that was my one goal in life. I longed to have a family, children to be more exact. I begun looking into artificial insemination (because love did not exist, and I did not want a man in my life). Maybe that was all I needed, to realize that I could achieve everything on my own, to believe in my own power, in my own achievements; because right as I had given up....I found him.
He came when least expected him to, he was part of my life-plan...but it was not to be by his side. It happened gradually, but so fast at the same time. He brought happiness into my life and made me believe that there was someone else in the world that could love me as much as I loved myself....and I ended up loving him a little more than I love myself.
Atte: Ale
