…the mish-mash is a slam-jam of all the rammer-slammers I sent off into the sunset instead of the spotlight, and that’s the honest truth.
This month I turned 42. I am blessed, I am fortunate, and I am grateful. Our son is now 11 weeks old and our daughters are loving having a baby in the house. I finally built out the NAS structure I’ve been daydreaming about for almost a decade. Cost me almost nothing, just stuff I had laying around mostly and now I have a garage PC setup that connects to a headless server for all data storage, allowing me to stream my media from my own server and manage files remotely. Also I had a friendly lizard jump onto my back…what does this guy think he is, a crow?
I was playing my quena on my way home today, as i do almost every day - windows down, jamming loud enough to be heard probably as far as the sidewalks. If I’m being honest, I will keep my windows down and jam like that any time I think there’s a chance the cars around me will either be going slow enough to notice or even better, stopping at a light. I so love the supremely rare ocassions when someone notices it! Usually I get super self conscious when someone acknowledges it, and so I’ve begun telling myself i will try to become more comfortable with it each time.
Anyway, i mostly do it because i think of it like the bell of awareness of the present moment. I ring that bell, calling out to the world to see who’s awake. Most people are lost in thought, phone calls or headphones. I might have about ine person per year, but if you averaged it out over the course of as long as I’ve been doing this, it’d be less than that. Something in my soul vibrates so joyfully when i find someone who’s awake to the unfolding present moment; in our shared momwnt of awareness, my soul feels connected.
Today, I made it all the way through town without catching any, which is normal obviously. Several miles down the highway, there’s a light where I make a left. I always roll the windows back down as I approach the light; it’s never really gotten me anywhere, but it’s one of my last chances so I do it. Anyway, I’m sitting at the light, i notice a pickup truck who stopped short of the line, two lanes over, starts pulling forward slowly. I was playing along with Wading in the Velvet Sea by Phish. Through the mirror I see a hispanic driver who looks like he not only noticed, but the way his eyes lit up told me he might even recognize the quena for what it is. As he pulls beside me, an SUV pulls up between us. I’m still playing. I act like I don’t notice people for a second, mostly because there have been some times i went for eye contact too soon, only to find out they hadn’t noticed the wuena at all, and now my moment of connecting with another soul over the joy of spontaneous music has turned into an awkward and disappointing experience of creeping out a stranger. Even if someone is listening, i’ve found it’s best to let them decide if they want to interact or not.
I couldnt make out what she said, but I was pretty sure I heard someone calling me from thr SUV. I lowered the flute and looked to find two older couples all looking like very happy people. “I rolled my window down just for you man!” The driver shouted. The man in the truck waved and smiled right through the SUV. I expressed my gratitude and resumed my song. The play was pretty clean, some of my finest maybe even. I stayed cool, didnt lose my way, and hit the notes I wanted without over thinking or worrying, keeping an eye on the light as I ripped through a nice little solo. When their light turned green, I stopped playing and waved to the five souls who’d just absolutely made my week.
My light turned green. I pulled across the incoming lane, onto the slow country road and resumed my tune. Sometimes when a jam is really locked in, it brings me to tears. I have to try to manage my emotions to keep the jam together, but the tighter the jam gets, the more this wave of gratitude and joy swells until it bursts with tears. That happened today, but today, i think that it was the joy of connecting, paired with of course the sensation of a jam session that roots right into your soul and opens the universal now in blissful satori.
Anyway, that happened.
I mentioned the server earlier, but I did that. Additionally, since February I have published 7 books on Amazon. I’ve got two others in the works. I’m looking for a good way to publish some short baby/children’s books and putting them together now. The artwork makes these feel longer than a written book sometimes. Anyway, it took all that energy and voice I’d been using here to do all the learning on how to publish, and then creating them and doing it.
Some of them are less written and more alternative styles, like coffee table books, but ithers are legit books. A book on my favorite knots, a book on how to customize the RG50XX game console, a book on sigil design which includes my own personal method in addition to a breakdown of the more traditional styles, a book on math techniques, and some others.
I created a redbubble account as well, so now when i come up with new ideas for tee shirts i have a store to load them to once they’re created. I think I have like 9 designs up roght now.
I haven’t really sold much of anything yet, but I think the important part was more about establishing a channel to get materials out there. Now that ive published 7 books and 9 graphic designs, I know how to do it. I believe all I have to do is keep creating and publishing things and, eventually, something will stick.
I’ve been reconnecting with some of my brothers from the cavalry. It’s nice to see them holding it all together and doing well for the most part. A few have slipped off the deep end, which is sad to see.
Although I haven’t completely eliminated alcohol from my life, i can say that i have not drank in excess for wuite some time. Very well moderated, with extreme caution. My metabolism slowed down on me somewhere along the line, so I’ve also recently had to make some conscious changes to my relationship with food. I’m doing pretty decent at that. I’ve been trying to make exercise also a proority, although that has been still a bit if a back and forth for me…it’s a little harder with a baby and teo young kids at home, so I’m trying to give myself some grace and stay positive about whatever I am able to accomplish.
Thr crows around my house are still around, but I haven’t been as consistent with them as I’d like. At work however, I have grown a wonderful family of crows in the oarking lot. Mostly fosh crows, but I get the ocasional American crows as well. I’m using cat food mostly these days, and i try to also bring out some of my lunch to them as well. There are 3 fish crows now that will come down and start eating while I’m still there. They take off the moment I move or honestly even after they’ve grabbed a few nibbles, but still, that feels huge to me.
Thanks for checking out some more of my work! As always, I hope you enjoyed witnessing as much as I enjoyed creating!
© Photos and words by 
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