In my case, there was abuse. We ran from him, my mother with us in tow. He was a violent man. One would hope that in time he repented. But when I was 18 he was asked (by my brother) to provide a social security number so I could finish my scholarship applications. He never responded to that request, until June...long after the scholarship deadline had passed. Fortunately, the granting organizations had been informed of my family's situation by my guidance counselor, so they went ahead and processed the awards. That's how I went to college.

He sent me the SS number with a letter. In it he excoriated my mother. He claimed credit for my scholastic achievement "because of the genes you inherited from me." He ended the letter by saying,"Your father wishes you the best. Besides that, I have nothing more to offer you."

That was the last I heard from my father. It wasn't others who had a hand in his erasure of his children. He was the one who erased them.

Obviously, I never brought my children to meet that grandfather. Fortunately they had a lovely grandmother (my mother) and lovely paternal grandparents.

Lives are complicated. Until you're up close, I guess you never really know why people do what they do.