I popped into town today for a coffee and a random browse around the shops to see if there was anything nice that I could buy with my hard earned steem dollars.
After picking up a couple of things I decided to pop into one of the bigger chain supermarkets and see if there was any shopping that was needed for the house.
Truth be told I didn't have anything in particular in mind but thought that if I had a bit of a scan around then perhaps something would leap out at me.
I stepped in the door of an international supermarket chain. There was a large security guard standing by the door, as I passed he glared at me. I nodded my head politely and mumbled something that sounded like errrp.
I could feel his eyes drilling into me until I turned a corner and the weight of his stare was lifted.
I had plenty of time on my hands and wandered aimlessly. In the vegetable aisle, I picked up some green things and red things. Hmm, I hadn't picked up a basket and my hands were full. Better go and get one, they were by the door. I walked over.
As I got near the door where the baskets were, the guard stepped out from behind a pillar.
Where are you going with them?
He barked, nodding his head at my fruity load.
Erm, to get a basket?
He grudgingly stepped out of the way. I put my items in a basket and once again commenced my shopping, shaking my head inwardly at the overzealousness of the guard.
A few moments later I was picking up some bread when I caught a movement from the corner of my eye. I looked up.
There! At the end of the aisle, the security guard was peering furtively around the corner at me.
I waved happily and shouted.
Hiya!
His head darted back out of sight.
I walked further into the store picking up the odd thing. I couldn't help but sense I was being watched but when I looked around there was no one there.
I was browsing the different coffees available when this time I definitely caught a glimpse of something off to my side. I whipped my head round eagle-fast. There he was, the security guard, furtively hanging about at the end of the aisle.
Peekaboo!!
I called.
His face contorted as if eating maggots and he pulled back from view again.
Eventually, I was almost finished my shop. I realised I had forgotten juice, so doubled back quickly on myself.
Boom!
I bumped straight into the guard who must have been lurking immediately behind me.
Is there some kind of problem?
I asked, my tone all spiky and sharp.
Just doing my job Sir.
What, following me about?
Yes, just doing my job. Alright?
I scrunched my face up the way I do when I realise the milk I have put in my coffee is out of date.
Righto.
I pushed past him, got my juice and headed to the till.
As I scanned my shopping at the self-scanning area, once again I noticed that same dashed guard loitering about watching me put my shopping in my bag.
I decided I had had enough. I paid, packed and headed for the door. On the way, I passed the male toilet. I paused for a moment and looked over my shoulder. Sure enough, there was my favourite guard peering suspiciously at me.
Excuse me?
I asked with a gigantic happy grin on my face.
Yes?
He attempted to look helpful.
I am just going to pop in here, you know... to do the toilet.
I winked.
As it's your job to follow me, I wondered if you want to come in and watch me do it, you know, the toilet?
My grin by now was radioactive in its intensity.
The guard spluttered and looked as though I had asked him to milk a bull.
I most certainly do not!
Oh well, sorry. I thought it was your job.
I smiled and walked off with a spring in my step. Behind me, I could still hear the guard splutter his outrage to anyone who would listen.
It was going to be a good day!
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So tell me. Have you ever been mistaken for a thief by a guard in a shop? What would you have done in similar circumstances?
Let us know in the comments!
All pictures sourced from pixabay and in most cases subjected to various manipulations.
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