In my work there has been a great deal of chatter about being positive. To make a difference by presenting an optimistic attitude to any problem. Breaking the cycle of negativity which was impacting our ability to deliver. As one catchy poster had as it's slogan.
To be frank, when you are living in a country like Scotland and Winter is plainly refusing to get the heck out of here. It is understandably hard to maintain such a positive outlook.
Well, it is hard for your normal run of the mill human being. Fortunately, I am no such soul.
After attending what seemed like yet another meeting in which our bosses exhorted us to Shine with Positivity. I and others were getting a bit narked off with it all.
I decided to throw it right back at them. I can shake my positive tooshy with the best of them it has been said. My boss has been one of the more vocal champions of this new initiative. I decided to see how long it would take me to break him.
So this morning I arrived at my desk. I checked the time, 9.00 AM on the button.
Good morning everyone!
I boomed like a psychotic well-wishing maniac.
The haunted denizens of my team looked up with dark depressed eyes. A few desultory morning's were mumbled at me. My boss, who has never been at his best in the mornings ignored me.
I sat down and hummed Singing in the rain whilst checking my mail.
The chap who sat beside me, Ashton, made a face as if he was struggling with his inner demons on the toilet.
I've got zero energy this morning and your humming is getting on my nerves.
Ashton said rather bluntly.
Aha!! I swivelled my chair around to face him.
Ashton. Consider how you present yourself. Try to avoid using phrases like "zero energy." Perhaps say, "my energy levels are low but I am still killing it." Not only will you sound more positive but by continuing to modify your negative language you will start to feel more positive too.
I swung my chair quite smugly back to face my pc.
What a load of rubbish.
Muttered Ashton crabbily.
And never fling your negativity up a man's back if you can help it!
I laughed out loud at the challenges of life and steadfastly ignored any further ramblings from Ashton's corner. I checked the clock, it was 09:10 AM
My boss was looking over disapprovingly but wasn't saying anything. Obviously not trusting himself to speak about my antics.
I cast him a snarky eye.
Boss man. Remember you were asking for suggestions for a team motto?
Yes...
He said, slightly defensively.
I have one, How about... Breaking the Negativity Donkey's Back Since 2015
Seriously?
He replied flatly.
Absolutely, let us announce our intent to all the other teams!
He struggled valiantly not to shout in indignant fury that I wasn't taking this initiative seriously. Finally, he reigned in his errant temper and hissed like a tired old snake.
We can add it to the list.
Splendid!
I boomed even more loudly than when I had first arrived. People were looking up in irritation from all corners of the office now.
My boss shook his head.
We have a problem in Live, can you take a look at it? It's urgent.
Well, see that in itself is not right!
I exclaimed manically.
What is not right?
He growled.
By stating we have a problem we are insinuating a negative mindset into the team.
What?!
He barked.
Perhaps you should try saying something like... Chaps, an opportunity has presented itself in the Live system. Who wants to have a go first?
I beamed positivity at my red-faced boss. Who was becoming redder by the second. He shuddered and twitched a bit. I fancied that I could see steam coming out of his ears.
IT'S A PROBLEM. GET IT FIXED!
He bellowed, before stomping off in a rage.
I looked at the clock - 09:17 AM.
Already I had the day marked down as a success.
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What about you? Can you turn any negative into a positive? Do you like to mess with your Boss's head?
Tell us your best tales in the comments. I will be there to listen!
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