I have always had an interest in photography. To the disgust of most DSLR owners, it started with camera phones. Even the rubbish 0.3MP efforts that first came on the market were a revelation to me.
I started taking photos of just about everything. This of course didn't go down to well with the good lady who was not yet my wife.
It was not unusual to hear cries of...
What the heck!?!? Get out of the toilet whilst I am showering!
or
Why are you looming over me when I am sleeping?!?!
Although that second one wasn't always about a sneaky photo. However, I digress.
Eventually, as both cameras and my skill got better I bought a DSLR. For those not in the know, they are those big stupid cameras that the professionals use.
I started taking photos in earnest. Blogging and posting them on Facebook. Such was my perceived skill, some people paid me for some of my photographs. As I am such a happy soul I would easily have given them away from free but they insisted.
Eventually, someone asked me to do their wedding photos.
I was very reluctant. There is a big difference between taking photos of a tree or a horse or even better, a horse underneath a tree and taking photos of a couple on the most important day of their lives.
So I said no.
They offered me a giant wodge of money.
So I said yes.
It went remarkably well. I ended up doing several weddings. Then of course, came Mad Rab's wedding.
Mad Rab was a guy I had known since childhood. He wasn't that mad, just typically Scottish. He phoned me and said he had seen some of my stuff on The Facebook. He then asked if I would photograph his wedding.
I said it would be a pleasure. We met and discussed what kind of photos would be required. His brief was worryingly vague.
Just take some excellent photos mate. We trust you!
Well. That was a help.
I arrived at the grooms house armed with all of the stuffs that were usually required. Mad Rab shook my hand and introduced me to his wee pal, Stuart, who was also going to be taking photos. I thought this was a little odd but fair enough. It was his wedding.
Pal - Scottish term for friend - often of the small variety.
I spoke briefly to his wee pal, Stuart and asked him if he had done much photography. He assured me he had. I asked him if the zoom lens his camera was toting was the one with image stabilisation. He looked confused. I left it at that.
He asked if I could go to the bride's house and take photos. Off I trotted to the bride's house. The door was answered by one of the bridesmaids who, when I introduced myself. Gave me the strangest look and shouted upstairs...
Marie. There's some pervert pal of Rab's wants to take photos of you in yer knickers.
Knickers - British term for underwear of the small lower variety.
Eh, no I don't.
I replied. I really did not. After all, I was hardly a wildlife photographer.
Now he says he doesn't want to see you in yer knickers!!
Shouted the bridesmaid furiously upstairs.
He doesn't? Right. I'm phoning Rab. Cheek!
The upstairs voice yelled.
The door was slammed on my face. I was a little perturbed. Still, I wasn't someone to be daunted. I returned to Mad Rab's house.
He apologised and we smoothed things over, I set about taking pics like I was being paid for.
We got to the church and I started taking photos. So did the wee pal, Stuart. Shortly after, the smiling bride arrived. As soon as she saw me, of course, the smile dropped from her face.
Which wouldn't have been an issue except she didn't smile any time I was near. She smiled for the other guy though. Even those were fleeting things, like a timid badger peeking from its burrow. Stuart happily held his big zoom lens up and took random photos with one hand like a wild cowboy.
At the end of the day, I approached Mad Rab. Despite the lack of smiling from the Bride, I knew I had got some amazing pics. I smiled and shook the now married, Mad Rab's hand.
Congratulations again Rab. I will get the photos to you during the week. You said you would pay me before that?
Rab looked a little sheepish.
Ah, sorry Boom, we have decided not to bother. You know, save a bit of money. Besides, Stuart took lots of pics. No hard feelings though eh?
What else could I do on the man's wedding day but laugh and tell him it was no bother. I looked over at the other "photographer" and his big zoom lens and smirked.
That would have been the end of it had not Mad Rab phoned me in a panic some days later.
Boom, you know my wee pal, Stuart. All his photos are blurry and terrible?!? I need the photos you took. I need them pronto or the wife will go mad.
I thought of his herbivore of a wife and answered with a smile.
Of course Rab. That's no problem. It will cost you double though...
What? Are you at it? No way man, you can't charge double? That's outrageous!
You know what it's like mate... No hard feelings though eh?
Aaahh, revenge is sweet!
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What about you? Have you been dreadfully messed about and got sweet revenge? What do you think of those people who renege on a deal??
Tell us your best tales in the comments. I will be there to listen!
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