It was pitch black, smoke tickled the back of my throat. Someone close by moaned in fear, I recognised the voice of the hot girl from earlier. I reached out for her hand.
It's alright, stick with me.
I stated with a confidence borne of caffeine and too much sugar.
I crouched, ducking the smoke that was filling the room and stretched my free hand forward to feel for obstacles and moved off pulling them behind me.
It was just another day at work. A few of us were sitting chatting about nothing in particular when a sharp-faced lady strutted up to where we sat.
Can anyone join in the party!?
She announced snippily.
I gave her the Vulcan eyebrow. I knew her face vaguely and she wasn't from IT. That meant she was less than nothing.
Can we help you?
She swallowed something, it might have been her pride.
Yes, perhaps you can help...
Wait, what did she mean 'you' can help? I looked around for my colleagues who were chatting mere moments earlier but they had melted away like the first snows of summer. Gits.
Go on then, what can I do you for?
And so I had been informed that the wing in which I sat did not have a Fire Warden. It was a serious position. One of great responsibility. So much responsibility that the Fire Warden was given a fluorescent vest with
FIRE WARDEN
Emblazoned on it.
The sharp-faced lady droned on about the importance of such a role for what seemed like ages. Eventually, she stopped.
So, can I count on you? Are you volunteering?
What?! Me?! Are you kidding, no chance.
She looked as if a hamster had gnawed through her favourite pencil.
There is a fifty pounds annual payment.
I narrowed my eyes.
Throw in a coffee lady-face and I am yours.
She harrumphed wildly like a horse with an overly stirrup'y rider then agreed.
Some weeks later I had found myself with a bunch of random strangers in a real Firefighters Training Academy. Throughout the day we were shown how to raise the alarm if there was a fire and how to scoosh various extinguishers.
We were given numerous lectures on the sneaky naughtiness of fire and how it could spread at the drop of a hat. I was bored senseless. The only saving grace the course had was that one of the ladies who was on it with me was hotter than any fire we were being warned about.
In each of the exercises, there were various mentions of the Final Exam. Whenever we asked what it was, we were answered with enigmatic smiles and tappings of noses.
The day was nearly done. Our instructor led us outside and over to a large tower in the yard.
He looked up at it and explained that this was where they held simulated fire exercises. He went to great lengths to state how it was as realistic as possible. They cut the power, piped in smoke and played fire noises to give people an idea of what it was like to be in a real fire situation.
I yawned and kicked a stone whilst he did so. All this talk of fire was making me long for a cigarette. It was only when the Instructor said that it was now our turn that my ears perked up.
Really? We are going up there. Awesome!
The Instructor gave me a disapproving look. I shrugged handsomely.
We were led up the tower and into a room which looked like a regular office except it had blacked out windows. They explained that the exercise would be in pitch blackness to simulate a heavy smoke situation.
I refrained from sharing my previous heavy smoke experiences at that point.
Whilst he wittered on I was scoping out the room and more importantly the way to the exit which was way over on the far side. I had an idea of what was coming and my imaginary ninja training was taking hold.
He finished by advising that anyone who got too panicked or scared should just remain where they were and would be collected at the end of the exercise. He then separated us all a bit.
He spoke into a radio and then looked up.
The lights went out and the smell of smoke permeated the air.
I couldn't see a thing.
That was fine though, I had the office mapped out in my head. I grabbed hot-girl's hand, crouched down and navigated forward carefully in the pitch dark through the office.
As we moved along I heard the calls and moans of the others on the course as they got lost or banged their shins on things they couldn't see. I couldn't help but chuckle. Fools.
Eventually, I made out the very dim sign that showed we were at the exit. I banged on the door.
It was hauled open and a burly firefighter pulled the two of us out. He looked puzzled.
Did we win? Were we first?
I asked, scampering on the spot like an enthusiastic puppy.
What?
He answered somewhat incredulously.
Right you pair, come with me to the control room.
He took us to the nearby control room.
Did we win? Were we first?
I once again asked the Instructor who was peering at various screens showing our erstwhile colleagues staggering around in the dark.
What? No! You didn't win. What about your friends in there? Didn't you think to rescue them?
I looked at the screens.
Ah, it wasn't a race sort of thing then?
The instructor looked disgusted as if his wife was eating cabbage with her mouth full.
No. It wasn't a race.
I shrugged my shoulders and looked at hot-girl.
We totally won.
I mouthed quietly.
The door opened and a firefighter led in one of the dudes who had been in the fire room with us.
The new dude looked around.
Hey, did I win?
I burst out laughing.
No we did!!
------------------------------------
What about you? Have you ever misinterpreted a situation and done your best to win even when you shouldn't? Worse yet, has it been in a life or death situation?!
Tell us your best tales in the comments. I will be there to listen!
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