I cry for so many different reasons.
I cry out of happiness.
I cry out of pain.
I cry out of sadness.
Most times I’m not even sure why I cry, but I cry until my tear ducts dry out and I am left with the heaving of my chest; sobbing while trying desperately to keep breathing.
I cry each time I make that turn on the staircase where we used to kiss each other ‘good morning’. I cry when I pass by the door to the fire exit where we meet so I can hand you your breakfast. I cry listening to songs that have been a part of our trips, keeping us company in the traffic. I cry for movie nights that I look forward to. I cry for the sunrise and sunsets and places I wanted to see, but I only ever wanted to see them with you. I cry for the rain that I wished would come so you could hold me in your arms and we could pretend that everything was going to be alright.
I cry because I am afraid. I’m terrified of days to come when I have to wake up each day sans the hope of seeing your beautiful face. I’m scared of the loneliness losing you would bring - when being in a room full of people would have me wishing you were amongst the crowd.
I cry in frustration - because I never learn; and no matter how many times I tell myself to live one day a time, I always try to get ahead but I always end up being left behind.
I cry for myself… because I despise ‘good byes’ and because one of the hardest things I’ve had to do was start over. I cry because I will forever wonder why there was nothing else I could have done to change things. But fate has a habit of playing things out in sadistic ways in my case.
I cry for you… for everything that I’ve had to put you through.
I cry for us… and for the days I spent dreaming and allowing myself to hold on to a tinge of hope in my heart that maybe we stood a chance even when all odds are against us.
Yes, I cry for us… and for all that’s lost but was never ours