I tend to write more about my negative emotions because they're so powerful. Expressing them with words enables me clearly and accurately describe them and deal with it in a positive light. It has a way of putting everything out on the table instead of suppressing them into a box. I can view all the aspects of how I feel and ask myself why and how these feelings came to light. I used to fake a smile, lock everything up in a box, and pretend nothing affected me.
Speaking honestly and from experience, that caused me to lash out. The building pressures of all the stored negative emotions found cracks and holes to escape and relieve pressure. Using logic to analyze the feelings while keeping the creative mind open to find the proper words balances my mind. Practicing this coping mechanism has felt like an enlightening experience; Bridging gaps within the mind, creating new neural networks, tapping into an unsung creativity, all while balancing my mind.
I try my best to illustrate a vibrant picture without giving away too much personal information. I usually find myself on the fence, debating whether or not to post a poem or writing because someone from my life might see it and feel it's about them personally. That would leave me to deal with horrid feelings instilled upon me by others. Wanting me to censor what I write because it might hurt someones feelings, it hurts me to keep everything pent up. I can't bring myself to do that anymore than I already do.
My poems and writings showcase my feelings towards the actions and words of many people whom I've interacted with. When someone states that it's solely about them then in a way it can become that way. I've had the pleasure of reading poetry and other writings of friends, and sometimes I can't help but feel that it could be about me. I find myself reviewing past happenings in my life and relating them to writings, but I silence the voice that wants to be on the offensive. That's what makes poetry and good writing so beautiful, the ability to pull your emotions.
I spent most of my life in a frustrated angst, searching for a way to break free of the constant outward aggression. I believe that I've found an answer to ale my problems, be it temporary or permanent, I'm enjoying the results of it. When someone comes along and tells me that I can't express my inner thoughts in "that" way it excites the age-old anger inside.
The image of a jealous child comes to mind, knocking down the block towers of others because their's aren't as tall. I've found my way to break free of the oppression instilled by my own mind, yet others see this and feel the need to step in and reinstate the submission to oppression.
Why? Is this a cry for help? Don't tread on me because you let made my words hurt. Don't tell me I'm wrong for expressing the feelings I've had pent up for years. This is by far the best way of dealing with emotional stress that I've found.
