I reviewed my entire past

I reviewed my entire past and asked: Why did I live? And what purpose have you created? . . There is an end, no doubt a great goal, because I feel tremendous strength in myself. . . But I did not understand my fate that I created for him, but he was a mirage of futile, futile whims. I came out of her like a steel, but I lost forever the warmth of the noble enthusiasm, the most beautiful thing in life
Mikhail Lermantov