OLAF - a parody of “Gaston” from Beauty and the Beast

Gosh, it disturbs me to see you, Olaf
Looking so melted and glum
Every snowman would love to be like you, Olaf
From the palace right down to the slums
No snowman around's as admired as you,
You're everyone's favorite guy
Everyone's awed and inspired by you
And it's not very hard to see why
No one skips like Olaf,
Moves his hips like Olaf
No one denies global warming and shit like Olaf
The snowdrift from which you were chipped off,
Was perfect, pure and white
You can ask any Hans, Sven or Kristoff
And they'd rather be on your side.
Who's got twig arms like Olaf,
Carrot nose like Olaf,
Who's more than the sum of his parts like Olaf?
You're not melting, you're just perspirating;
My, what a guy, that Olaf!
No one hugs like Olaf
Chases bugs like Olaf
No one beats up the Weselton thugs like Olaf!
When I dance through a field in the sunlight
Without neither worry nor care
With the warmth on my face, I just might-
(Should I tell him?
Don't you dare!)
No one skis like Olaf
Or keeps bees like Olaf
No one calms down the rage of the queen like Olaf!
I'm especially good at Elsa placating.
Good on you, Olaf!
When you were a child, you imagined me thus,
All sweet, friendly and kind.
Now that you're grown, I'm here in the flesh,
I'm no longer confined to your mind.
Who has no woes like Olaf,
A flurry of snow like Olaf
Who am restore the peace like a pro like Olaf?
I use icicles in all my decorating
Say it again,
Who puts the man in snowmen?
Who's the super success?
Don't you know, can't you guess?
Ask his fans and his five hangers-on.
In all Arendelle, of just one man will I tell,
And his name is O-L-A-F
It might be a double F
It's just occurred to me that I'm illiterate and I've never had to spell it before
OLAF!

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