The summer was coming to an end. M knew I was leaving, we knew when we started, but it was still sad that it was coming to an end. I wish the summer had ended that way, but before I moved I wanted to enjoy my last couple weeks saying goodbye to my friends.
I was moving, and I had lots of friends I knew I wouldn't see for a long time. I was trying to get time with as many of them as I could before I moved. I don't remember many of them, but there were two that stood out, for all the worst reasons.
T had dated K for a while. It didn't work, but we all still stayed friends. He wanted a chance to hang out before I moved, so he asked me to come over to hang out. He cooked me dinner, we laughed about things we had all done together... he admitted to always having a thing for me. Why was he bringing this up now? I was moving. I liked him as a friend, but that was it. I tried to explain that I was flattered, but it just wasn't in the cards. That I cared about our friendship... but it wasn't enough for him.
It's amazing how our bodies react in different adrenaline situations. People who become almost superhuman, some who gain an entirely different level of clarity... and then there is that paralyzing fear. You don't know why you couldn't do anything, you wanted to do something, anything to get out of that situation, but you were paralyzed with fear.
I got up to leave, but he said he had something he wanted to give me before I moved. I trusted him, he had been a friend for a couple years, I thought I knew him. I followed him when he asked, went to the desk where he said it was located... just for him to lock the door. That's when the fear started to kick in. What was going on? What was he doing? He approached me, grabbing my wrist forcefully. I tried to pull away, but he kept walking towards me, leading me to walk backwards. He kept telling me how much he liked me, how much he had desired me for so long, how he had dated K just to get closer to me, and that I never gave him a chance, why had I never given him a chance. He almost got angry, that how dare I not notice him, how dare I refuse him... He pushed me down... Why couldn't I get up, why couldn't I move away. I tried to get him to calm down, try and explain my reasonings, try to get him to stop... begging him to stop... begging him to just leave me alone... to let me go home... but he had other plans.
I cried... I cried so much. He was so happy with himself afterwards, he didn't even notice my tears. I got out of there as quickly as I could after I had calmed down enough to be able to move again. I drove home, trying to calm down... I was ashamed... why had I been so weak... why hadn't I hit him... why hadn't I punched him... Why hadn't I done more to stop him. I got home, my mother saw me crying, I said I was just sad that I was having to say goodbye to all my friends. She went on to ask me why I never dated T, he was such a nice young man, and he liked me so much, why hadn't I ever given him a chance. I didn't have much to respond, just said I was never interested... and I proceeded to go to my room and cry for the rest of the night.
And I wish that was the most difficult thing I had to deal with prior to my move... but it wasn't...