Sometimes, I just sit at night and wonder exactly WHERE it all went wrong. I never come up with a definitive answer. It could be anywhere in the last 7 years. I went from having a steady job, living with my girlfriend, to just about nothing at all. I left my girlfriend, for another girl that I had met through work. Before you make judgement, we had pretty much become roommates, who just hung out and talked to each other every once in a while, at least thats how i seen it. Since that time in my life, it has been a roller coaster from hell. I've been homeless, without water, without food, and even now, for the last about 16 months jobless (side jobs I dont count) Now, many people would say that its my fault, and it mostly is. I however have been in the midst of the most difficult times of my life and now even the girl I love and fell in love with, has basically left me. I have been depressed for most of 6 months AT LEAST, and I just cant seem to kick this shit. It depletes me of all motivation for almost everything in life, and I hate myself for it. It gives me no energy or drive to even accomplish menial tasks like going to the store, or sometimes, even going outside at all. When I do go outside, it seems to make me feel better physically, but it also rips me apart mentally and emotionally, knowing that i have essentially failed any and all people who have cared about or loved me.
The crypto-venture seems to kind of take my mind off things, but the problem with that is I sit for hours messing with it, and get nothing else accomplished. I am hoping that working will help with everything...my mental, physical, and very important to and for me, emotional health will get better. I have been trying to find work, honestly, not really trying for the last few months, but I am putting forth more effort to it now, as i can see that what is going on with me and life NEEDS to change. There are days I literally feel heart-broken and dont know what to do. Theres so much more to the story, but like the title says...These are Just some Of My Late Night Thoughts...13 months, 21 days...Even in The Hardest Parts of my 30 Years
