Nnu Ego was happy, finally she had met the love of her life.
And the prospects of a new home, new life filled with love and happiness was on her mind.
But, reality struck
She couldn't bear children.
Her husband went and married
another wife.
And soon enough, the new wife took in.
Nnu Ego, was calm.
Maybe, I will have my own child too.
After all, our people say a child’s aura bring forth more children to the home.
Yet, no child came.
The love of her life became distant.
He said to her: Go to the farms and clear the weeds properly.
If you can't produce children, you should be able to till the soil.
Nnu Ego wept, her heart was broken.
The love to have her own child
made her do silly things.
Then, she was sent out.
Barren woman, a disgrace to your family.
Go away you empty woman.
Her father made arrangements for
her to marry someone in the city.
With discreet plans, she left her village to go to the city.
With hopes of getting a child.
Married to a man she does not love.
She bore all the pain in order to be
a mother.
She did not want to fail in life.
To be barren is failure .
Yes, she bore children
She became a mother of children.
But at what price?
The price of starvation, struggles and bitterness.
She couldn't wear fancy dresses
anymore.
There were a lot of mouths to feed.
Went through hunger and pain.
I wish she had her mother’s strength.
Ona- her mother, was fearless.
She choosed her own path.
Until motherhood path came her way.
She was seen as proud by men.
Women despised her for being too
choosy.
Yet, Ona gave no damn to what
people think about her.
And at the end of it all, Nnu Ego died.
Without a child to hold her hand
neither a friend to talk to.
She had an expensive burial with cows, chickens and goats slaughtered.
Big pots of dishes eaten and wasted.
Food she didn't get enough to eat during her lifetime.
Her children spent months paying the burial debts incurred.
Paying tribute to a mother they were too busy to check on.
Women should be allowed to live with their choices.
An unmarried woman should not be stigmatized.
A woman that cannot give birth should not be mocked.
We all have our scars in life.
Let's humans being free to make their choices and deal with the consequences that comes with it.
Let the African woman find her own happiness.Not based on societal pressure.
Birth control methods should be encouraged for African women.
With lesser children, they can cope more with the demands of motherhood and enjoy their lives as well.
A woman should have the right to choose if she wants children or not. It’s her body after all and her choice.
And adopt if she wants, without being stigmatized.
Feminists are not bitter women.
They have the choice to marry or not to marry.
They can choose to include “wife”
in their “bio”.
Reference
Joys of Motherhood by Buchi Emecheta.