On the day that would mark the most significant change of my life, the ultimate transformation of myself, I woke up in the jungle paradise Xibalba. On this day I would go on a very special journey. Not one far away from this place. At least not in the physical realm. It was a journey that would take me deep inside. As I wrote in my previous article about my healing with Bufo medicine, the shaman encouraged me to come to the Ahyuhuasca ceremony two days later. And because I’ve done it many years ago and didn’t have a very pleasant experience with the facilitators of it, I decided
to never do it again.
But now, with this wonderful and trustworthy shaman, with his insurance and especially because of his words: “You need to finish the work sister, ” I felt deeply that this is the place and the moment to release my fears. This was a place that overwhelmed me with its beauty and powerful energy when I entered and I knew the first day that this was the open door to the life I’ve been desiring, preparing for, and calling in for many years.
🌹 So I prepared myself well, I only ate fruits for breakfast and went to the cenote for a swim, to meditate and connect with Mother Earth and Mother Ahyuhusca.
As I was meditating in the cool space of a cave, breathing in the earthly scent of soil and jungle, the insight came to me that Bufo opened the channel from above into my heart. I felt space as if there was a light pilar from my heart to the faraway place in the sky. Ahyuhuasca would open me to receive the energy from Mother Earth into my heart and as these two energies merge there, it would give birth to my new life. This was something so beautiful and all I wished for a long time.
I’ve been working hard on myself, healing and transforming all I could find hidden in the dark depths of my being. And now the time has come to leave everything behind, to begin a beautiful journey born in liberation. Although still quite nervous I felt excitement growing in me.
Before the ceremony, I spoke to the shaman and told him about my meditation and how happy and encouraged I feel.
He was excited for me and said to keep this feeling in me during the journey and also to always be reminded of my breath.
When everyone was seated, all the music instruments were ready and after we’d received all the information about what to expect, especially that we shouldn’t expect anything, and what not to do, the ceremony started.
The shaman invited us two by two and while praying he served us the plant medicine. Then, when everyone received Mother Ahyuhuasca, the facilitators blew out the candles and in slowly settling darkness everyone waited for her to come.
🌹 It took me around thirty minutes before I started to feel something. My body became heavy and soon after that, the shaman started to play gentle music. I closed my eyes and suddenly all I saw were tens of eyes around me looking like the peacock tail. Then in my head sounded: “Go inside.”
So I looked into my body and everything changed. I saw beautiful light patterns of sacred geometry, colors, and fractals. The music I heard didn’t come from the shaman anymore, it came from my body. I became an endless container for all these frequencies. After a while, I had to lie down and that was when my journey truly started.
Between each song, there were a few moments of silence and in that time I always heard the shaman’s voice in my head saying to me: “Just breath.” So I did. I took a deep breath in and heard in me: “Let the light in, it knows where to go.” It was so beautiful and peaceful, that I surrendered to the experience. Each song brought me to another state and between them, the shaman in my head was asking: “Are you ready to go deeper? Let's go, let's cross.” These were the words he told me just seconds before I inhaled Bufo the other day and these words were the perfect guidance for me.
I lost all the fear and traveled deeper and deeper. I passed my heart and the light was settling in me, making its way to the lower chakras. I got tons of insights. I saw my ancestors dwelling in the dark so I brought light to them. I healed my cat who is sick for some months. I saw my daughter and cried about the pain I’ve caused her when I was still a stressed and ignorant mother many years ago. I saw my little puppy, the true Goddess in a tiny body, who came to protect me and love me beyond words. I saw my mother, the beautiful woman who rejected me in the worst ways and I told her that also she can come to the light. I’ve let go of her and forgave the last things I still held in me.
At some point, after all my chakras were done I was passing the gate to hell. Dogs were barking outside and at first, I got a bit disturbed by these hard sounds combined with vomiting around me. Then I realized, they are our guardians. Like Anubis, guarding the gates of the underworld.
I saw many people entering the hell and I just wondered why. Why would you even want to go there if you can choose light? Every time we get the chance to choose light, each fight me and my partner have is an invitation to choose light. Yet we rarely do. At that same moment, many people around me were throwing up heavily. They were the ones entering the hell over and over and never realizing it. They got stuck in that loop and I imagined how much crap they are dealing with in their daily lives. What kind of characters they have, how true they are to their Soul.
There were some people from Tulum, the ones living in Playa like to call them Tuluminati, and as I already expected when they arrived, very arrogant, and “very spiritual”, they were the ones having the hardest time. You see, the whole fakery falls when Ahyuhuasca comes to heal you.
Although I was ready to pay my price, my little pink bucket with a smiley on it next to me, Ahyuhusca didn't ask anything of me. She was just gently guiding me through the parts I needed to see and realize while the light was filling me and reaching places in my body where I hold the pain.
I realized that these spots were just patterns we keep holding onto. Especially when my back was being filled with light, it was very strong, because I have had this pain for over twenty-two years.
I felt for the first time in my life that the heavy load was being lifted. The light loosened the tight muscles and the energy started to flow through. It was a huge relief.
🌹 I passed the gate and felt like I was going up. Higher and higher I went till I reached a place where everything dissolved.
I dissolved. I was floating in a space filled with colors and sounds.
Everything sounded with echo and then it became one. The vomiting, the music, the jungle sounds. A wordless song came out of my throat and the sound floated above me. Someone else started to sing along with me. It was like it wasn’t even me and it sounded like a choir from heaven. I knew I am in the creation. I basked in the colorful light and the frequencies of the sounds flew through me. I couldn’t feel happier. But then I felt I was guided to another place.
I fell to my knees and bowed in front of the brightest light I’ve ever seen. I was meeting God, the Source of all life. I cried with gratitude and said: “ I have nothing else to offer you but this body, God. I am giving myself to you, I totally surrender. I don't want anything anymore, just your will. I only want to do what you want me to do.” And God opened the temple and I stepped into the light and as I was breathing deeply I was filled with it.
I remember I was thinking I don't even need anything anymore, I don't need to eat because I have so much light in me now.
I was humbled and grateful like never before. The feeling is indescribable.
Then I received the Seed of Life. Tiny white seed with all the possibilities encoded inside. The whole creation was captured and given to us. We all have it in our pineal gland and I realized, this is what the dark is after. Because they can’t create, these creatures of evil. They need us and our Seed of Life to create whatever they want to have.
I saw these rich demonic people sitting on their golden thrones telling us there is not enough. And as crazy as it is, we simply believe them while they stole everything and hold trillions for themselves. I looked at them and said: “Whatever, you can keep sitting on your thrones, we don’t need you,” and I walked away.
I saw the whole system falling away as if it was made from thin cardboard. I saw all the people in my life who were like programmed robots disappearing. Then God asked me: “Tell me what you want.”
I said all I wanted was to surrender to the light and be anything he wants me to be. I started to see the faces of beautiful people and then I received the whole plan of what to create and how. I was overwhelmed by the grace of it and the love I was receiving. Then God showed me my future inside of this plan.
I felt something truly extraordinary and I can’t even express it with the limits of the language, so I am not going to try.
My body was receiving so much light, so much love that I wouldn’t dare to dream about as something possible in this world. Yet from a young age, I always felt a deep longing for something that was almost impossible to find with other humane.
Now, at this moment I was experiencing it. It literally took my breath away and I didn't have to breathe for minutes.
I felt like I died and was dissolved in Nirvana while I felt that my body was still receiving oxygen, just not through my respiratory system. And again, the gentle voice of the shaman in my head sounded: “Just breath.” So I did. I surrendered to the love I was feeling and saw the most amazing movie ever, my future life. Suddenly I felt like going through a birth canal, slowly and with ease moving forward till my head appeared in a chamber of bright light.
There was music playing to welcome me and I saw some people waiting. They were all celebrating my arrival as if they were expecting me for a long time. The shaman was sitting in the middle, playing music, and smiled at me. I started to cry. It was so beautiful and I felt so welcome.
I realized that I just made a huge shift, something we call the ascension. I said goodbye to everything I left behind, all the sorrows of my life. I was now here amid my brothers and sisters in spirit and for the first time in my life, I fully innerstood what that means and how Christ consciousness feels. There is nothing else we should strive for in this life. It is the most powerful and liberating feeling we can reach. Nothing compares to it, everything is just little pieces of the feeling we truly desire. This is pure love. This is where we all came from. It’s light filling our being and body and giving us immense strength. I knew I came home. For the rest of my journey, I just felt love and purity, I was being held by the divine masculine until the shaman came and invited me to come back and sit. Then he cleansed me and everyone with the sacred tobacco and ended the ceremony with beautiful prayers and many thanks to Ahyuhuasca, water, Earth, spirits, and everyone who came and showed courage to heal and change their ways. These ceremonies have a much larger influence on the world than most people can imagine. But they create ripples of evolved consciousness within humanity. They bring healing to the world. They make us forgive and release guilt, shame, and blame. During my journey Earth told me that she created all kinds of experiences, also the bad ones, just to feel everything. And now she is working with us, humanity, to release all the darkness. As we are purifying ourselves, she is purifying. We all are ascending and there is no way back, nothing can stop this. It is already done. And it is up to us how long it takes. We all have the freedom to create anything. But we must face the consequences. We must take responsibility for our creation. This is where many fail and therefore get lost in their own hell.
We all have the choice to leave it, we don't need to get stuck in there. Why would we? The reward for choosing light is beyond anything. Yet we are so afraid of God because for so many generations all these man-made religions are programming us to fear God. Yet they never tell us to fear the darkness. So we connect to it without realizing what we are missing. We use empty words and participate in blood rituals without knowing what we feed. Yet the choice can be so easy once we know.
It only takes a little bit of courage and will to surrender. Then, the right guidance will be offered to us.
I am forever grateful for this experience and to the man who encouraged me when I needed it most. I know it was God calling me home.
~Nika 🌹
