I wake up every morning with all the passion I need to make it happen.
Work is great....for three hours. I love the work itself. It's just not something I can do all day.
By the time lunch comes around I'm on autopilot and have little energy for anything other than making it through the day.
I finish work and by then I've already given up on all those things I was dreaming about in the morning.
I wanna post
I wanna connect
I wanna write
I wanna sing
I wanna rap
I wanna learn to paint
I wanna study different languages
I wanna meditate
I wanna be social
I wanna put more time and energy into my own work so I can become self sufficient.
But after work I just have enough energy to listen to YouTube videos while I massage my tight neck. If I have energy to write, it's hardly something that can inspire what I want to inspire. It's just this whining.
But whining is better than nothing , right? I'm still here right? I'm still standing. I'm finally making a living wage, even if it's below average here. I'll finally be able to save SOMETHING even if it's just pennies. I'll finally be able to travel, even if it's just a week every year.
I don't know if ill ever be able to have kids or if I'll give up on the idea.
It's all good though. I just got a free iphone8. It was like a present from the universe last time I managed to clear my mind and find peace in a shitty situation. Maybe I should put all my energy into that.
I finally know what it takes to find happiness and fulfilment, I just can't get myself out of bed in time.
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