I have learnt a lot with my kid and it was not always easy. Some lessons came naturally, but many of them needed some effort (time, energy, acceptance) from my part.
And life is always like that: one can learn a lot from a banal circumstance and others won’t see a lesson in the most profound happening, even when it is served like a desert.
But I was lucky to have time, energy and people around me that helped me understand that having the eyes wide opened might bring you a sort of happiness.
As I got used to having the child integrated in my life more and more, things became easier. I have my scheduler, I still do not sleep well but this became a habit, and I learnt to…contemplate life in a different manner, through the eyes of a child and an adult the same time.
As the days passed I started to work a few hours a day and I used to schedule things for work for the time I was home with him (while he is playing I could do some things from my phone) and for the moments he was going to fall asleep.
So I found myself trapped between 2 worlds: my work and my baby. I was spending time with my baby while my mind was somewhere else. It took me some weeks to understand I was doing things wrongly: while working I was spending time scheduling what to do later, while staying with the kid I was still scheduling what to do later. **So my mind was a continuous scheduler and I was working in between and spending time with my kid being there more physically than with my mind and soul. **
I realised that when I started to see him kneeling in order to make eye contact with me, as my eyes where in my phone and my mind was too busy to see him coming closer. I saw his pretty face with his sweet smile so close to mine, with the eyes saying that is play time. Or, at least, it should have been.
After some time when this was happening at least once a day I realised I was doing things the wrong way. So I began to work only in my working hours. It doesn’t matter if there are things I cannot finish in time, when I close my laptop I also close my mind to work.
Now I use to close all my work with half an hour before I have to go home, I do something that would relax me for the next period: listen to music, watch a funny video, read something that has nothing to do directly with my work or take a walk all by myself. When I go home I put my phone somewhere and use to forget about it. And all my time is dedicated to my kid.
Of course, it does not always work like that. There are a lot of moments when I am still connected to my work as I have stuff to solve the next day or I have unsolved things that remain in my mind. But I make conscious efforts in order to disconnect. At the beginning it was very hard. **But, as any habit, after a while it becomes easier and easier. **
If you cannot solve a problem now, there is no point in thinking about it this moment, because the present moment is the most precious time we have if we enjoy it.
Then, through practice, I understood how important is to be in the present moment. I started to see my kid growing differently and I could see him enjoying life. Kids live only the present moment, they do not remain hanged in the past, nor expect for the future. They are here and now. They are. And this is absolutely magical.
I watch him while playing all by himself, I respond to some of his needs, I let him be, I get involved in some games, I see the seasons while walking with him in the parks, I drink a coffee between the two rollings of the ball and I eat something while moving a car from one room to the other. I watch him making a few correlations and then forgetting them, just for the next day go again from the scratch and I am very happy when I see he remembers certain things from the other day. I used to do all these, but I was just half attentive. I discover the now so much more.
I am tired after playing with him, as he has so much energy, but it makes me happier. And the next day I cannot say I have more energy for work, but not scheduling certain things for the bed time gave me more time to solve problems in the present.
The other day my husband came home exhausted, that he just laid down in the bed and started watching a tv series, feeling absolutely tired (as he really had a hard day). I was playing with my full of energy toddler, running from one room to another. I was looking at him and I was looking me: it is so good to be me!