We have known each other for a long time...since we were both teenagers, long before we were mothers.
The picture interestingly comes from here
She went to an elite private school during her primary and high school years. I went to a public, government school.
She did incredibly well in her HSC (The exam you take in Australia for university entry purposes) and went on to study a science/maths based degree. I did OK in my HSC and went to study education.
We grew up together, served together and shared many ups and downs together.
For a long time, I considered her one of my closest friends and the feeling was mutual for her.
But now we are mothers. And something has changed dramatically between us.
At first I couldn't put my finger on it, but overtime it has become more and more apparent: My success directly affected her happiness in a detrimental way.
I first noticed it when I got pregnant... she didn't seem so thrilled for me. I brushed it off as just her really wanting to be pregnant too. But now, even little things seem to upset her, especially when it comes to our children.
She makes judgmental remarks about my parenting, she withholds praise when my child reaches a milestone before hers (like bike riding) and she gets upset and asks a lot of confronting questions when my child starts an extracurricular activity before hers.
Things that would not even occur to me as reasons for comparison, she turns it into a competition.
Lately, I've really been struggling seeing our relationship as a real and deep kind of friendship. I've started to withhold things from her and it makes me guilty at times, because there are so many good qualities to her as well. It would be so easy to write about her in a one dimensional character sort of way, but in fact she is also incredibly loyal and thoughtful.
I started to remember our younger years together, and I wondered whether it has always been the case of her secretly thinking she's better than me. After all, she came from a family with more money, she IS smarter and holds two degrees. But perhaps it's different now with our children.
Why can't women just support women? Why can't we as mothers just celebrate each others' strengths, help each other with ideas and encourage one another's children together?
It makes me sad that things have changed so drastically with my friend, that I wonder if we are really friends at all?
Do you have a friendship like this in your life?
I would really love to hear your thoughts and advice.
