There are many guides out there discussing the topic of how to be a great teacher. One type of guide I couldn't find was one showing teachers how to be horrible at their jobs. Some people are naturally great teachers...others are just plain bad at the job. This guide has compiled tips from the worst educators to help show you all the ways you too can be a horrible teacher.
How To Be A Horrible Teacher: Tips and Tricks To Do Your Worst
Parent Teacher Meetings
If you see a parent at your classroom door, you know they want a parent-teacher meeting! Yikes...to avoid parent teacher meetings quickly hide under your desk or in a storage closet. If you are fast enough hit the lights before hiding. If a parent emails you instead of stopping by all you need to do is click your mouse and send that parent-teacher meeting letter straight to your spam folder!
If you are unlucky and a parent catches you then you have the option of several excuses to reschedule:
"There is a staff meeting at (enter time here) and I need to arrive a few minutes early to help set things up."
"I apologize but I'm the head of the (insert after school club name here). I need to get to get to our meeting for today. I can't leave the kids unattended."
"I'm sorry I'm running detention and I need to take care of my students down the hall."
"I'm sorry I have to get to my second job...driving for Uber."
"I apologize but I had a huge burrito for lunch and now I have to drop a few kids off at the pool."
After using your handy excuse give the parents your email to reschedule. Once you receive their email hit the spam button...
Being Late And Keeping Terrible Records
A teacher who is never on time and keeps bad records is both a blessing and curse to students. Many students may enjoy a teacher who is late to class. They spend less time learning and more time talking with their friends. Tardiness allows those students who are late themselves more time to get to class without being caught.
That being said, a regularly late teacher is stealing precious class time from their students. Because they have less time to lecture, students don't learn the material they need. Ignore your conscious though. You need that extra ten minutes of sleep and breakfast biscuit from McDonalds. Your students can wait an extra 10 minutes for class to start so you can take care of yourself.
Keeping terrible records means you as a teacher have more time for leisurely activities. You might want to go out on the lake on your jet ski or hit the bar with your buddies. If you skip entering those grades or keeping track of student attendance you'll have way more time to do the things you love.
Move Students Desks Regularly
Classrooms can be boring. Moving the furniture around mixes things up and gives the room a new look to break up the monotony. Students may feel comfortable when things are consistent but your needs as a teacher are more important. Move your students desks regularly to keep things fresh.
Do you used assigned seating? I'm sure that gets old. Randomly make your students switch seats. If you catch two students talking in class, make them move seats. If a student gets the great seat at the front of the room too long, make them move to the back so a different student can enjoy the privilege of seeing you lecture from the front row.
Dodgeball!!!
If you really want your students to hate you it is time to have them participate in game of dodgeball. Dominant students love the game while shy and meek students fear it. If you've never played dodgeball, this is a game where you separate your students into two teams and they throw rubber balls at one another until they hit a target. Once a person is hit, they are out of the game. The last person standing is the winner.
If you really want your students to resent you, join the game! Start hurling balls at students with your adult body strength. Your students will fear you and you will be the King or Queen or dodgeball!!
Kenny Powers Is A Great Horrible Teacher Role Model
With These Tips You'll Be Rated The Worst Teacher In No Time
Rest assured, by trying your hardest to be a horrible teacher, your rating on ratemyteachers.com will drop lower and lower until you are the lowest ranking teacher at your school. If you are looking to get fired from that teaching job you really didn't want in the first place you will be well on track to ending your teaching career to pursue other endeavors.
Want To Be a Good Teacher?
"There is plenty to learn from a bad teacher: what not to do, how not to be." J.K. Rowling quote
Warning: This post is meant to be humorous. I highly recommend avoiding all of the following behaviors if you value your teaching job and don't want to get fired.
If you want to be a good teacher, it is simple. Avoid doing all of the above. Don't hit your students with rubber balls. Keep good records. Meet with parents. Always be on time.
A good teacher cares about their students first and their own needs last. Parent teacher conferences, timeliness, consistency in teaching methods, and kindness are qualities that positive role models have. If you love being a teacher you probably already know how to show your students you care.
Anyone have any BAD teaching tips to share with the class? Sound off in the comments!
