Of course you would.
Who wouldn't?
Isn't it beautiful? Don't you want some?
Now I know you are skeptical and think there can't possibly be something more lucrative than selling powdered white gold, but I assure you there is. There is such a market for this idea that I bet during the months of December, January, May and June, you won't be able to keep up with the demand. You will definitely have to turn away some customers.
You will be selling the most valuable thing in the world...
Hope!
That's right. At least twice a year there is a huge group of people who feel they have absolutely no hope. With this idea you can take advantage of (literally) these hopeless wretches. These people are so desperate to avoid the painful fate that awaits them, that they will do almost anything (at that moment) to avoid it. Sure they could have avoided their punishment with a little planning and hard work... but who wants to do that?
I am of course talking about...
Students who are about to fail your class!
Look at these hoodlums who are more interested in necking and rock'n'roll than doing their school work.
How can you take advantage of such a desperate group of would be consumers?
By offering the thing they need most...
Instructions on how to build a time machine!
Now pay special attention to one very important detail. You don't actually have to sell them a time machine... merely the instructions on how to build one. Believe me, if they are the type of student looking for a time machine right before report card time, odds are they aren't going to make it half way through the instructions. In fact, they might not even get around to opening the package. If you are really worried that they may discover the machine doesn't work, just make sure that they have to physically go to a store in order to buy the required components. Don't include anything that can be purchased from the comfort of their basement and you are guaranteed they will never find out if the machine is operational.
All it takes is for one component to require an actual trip to the store, and there is no chance your customers will actually finish building it.
How can I be so sure that there is a market fro such a product? Nearly 20 years of experience assigning grades on a report card that's how! That is almost 40 semester report cards (quarter grades don't usually generate thy same amount of terror).
Every single time, at least ten students will approach me the day before grades are do and will ask, "Mr. hanshotfirst, my mom is going to kill me if I don't raise my grades. How can I improve my grade?"
I always answer with...
"Step one: build a time machine."
"Step two: get inside said time machine and transport yourself back to the beginning of the semester."
"Step three: tell your past self to put more time and effort into the tasks I assigned. (But never touch your past self. If I have learned anything from movies, it is that something really bad happens if your present self makes contact with your past self.)"
"Step four: tell your past self (without touching them) to show up before or after school for the extra help I offer every single freaking day!"
"Step five: tell you past self to buy some Steem and SBD. It is going to skyrocket in January 2018!"
Remember... Steem and SBD are going to skyrocket in January 2018!
Obviously I am playing this up for some laughs, but it is not that far from the truth. I do warn my students all year long that come report card time, the only thing that can save them is the time and effort they have put in all semester. I specifically inform them that, unless they know how to build a time machine, what they do today will affect them come the end of the semester.
From time to time, if a student is not working up to their capabilities, I may just quietly whisper to them, "So how is that time machine coming?" They know right away what I mean.
Other times I may give them a choice, "So do you want to come in for some extra help or do you need that time to work on your time machine?"
Oh before I go, I forgot the special bonus. This time machine pitch will also work on teachers who let their grading pile up until the last day of the semester. Believe me, there are some teachers I know who whine to me, "I have 173 essays to grade by Friday. How can I get it all done?"
Step one: build a time machine...
