I have had several embarrassing moments in life. But this one surpasses all of them, by far.
I was in 4th grade and I had successfully managed a decent image in front of my parents. I was good at academics and extra -curriculars, a nice well-behaved kid . Everything was perfect. Until, my parents bought this :-
It had that fragrance of new gadget. I simply loved it. My whole family loved it. It was the latest technology in the home. I never let go of a chance of playing games and music in it.
One fine day, I was alone at home and they didn't take this beauty with them.
It was just me and her.
So I began to explore it. It didn't have a video recorder, but it did have a voice recorder. I pressed the record button, the zigzag lines on the screen came to life. I said "Hello". It said “Hello” back to me.
I was thrilled, it would immediately repeat what ever I had said to it. I would make weird noises, it would play back to me. It was awesome (You enjoyed using Tom cat , didn't you?) This was similar to Tom cat, it was just that the modulation was done by my gifted (read cursed) throat .
I asked my brother to join me. When our parents were gone for a walk, we would simply record and play it back. We would experiment new things everyday and had amazing laughter sessions. Some times my parents were suspicious of what these little kids are up to and how are they bonding so well.
It went on for few weeks, I poured my heart out to it .
The dreaded day was here, it all was about to end very soon. Little did I know what was going to happen.
I came back to home from school, it was a hot summer afternoon. My parents were sitting in the corner of the bed, holding the beauty in their hands, I had a spidy sense, something wasn't right.
Anyway, I changed clothes, freshened up, we sat down for lunch. It was weird as they had not turned on the television. The atmosphere was thickening, I noticed my mother staring at me .
ME (innocently) : Kya hua mummy?
(What happened mom? Something wrong?).
Mom, Plays an audio from the phone .
" Saale Kutte haramzaade kutte ki dummm , Saale you bloody bastard kutte ki dumm , fart noises, Arey kutte kya sunn ra hai , haramzade! Brother gigling from behind, followed by Ravana style laughter ".
Translation :-(Saale means brother In law, kutte means dog , kutte ki dum means dog’s tail, haramjjaddee is just an asshole, Arrey kutte kya sun Raha hai means hey dog! What are you listening to ?).
Dad, tries not to laugh , maintains a strict expression.
Momentary silence
Mai Toh gaya (It's over , I'm dead).
These were the exacts words in my head.
I choked on the food , couldn't hold it . Shivering I puked it out on the plate.
ME: Yeh sab Arpit (brother) ne bola hai mummy!( Arpit said all this mother !)
(I tried to save myself in desperation, the poor little soul was sleeping beside me).
Mom (Cold face) Plays another clip .
" fart noises, fart noises, fart noises, Ravana laughs , brother trying to imitate , but choking on laughter in every next attempts... then came a whole stupid rap composed solely of saalas, kuttas, kaminas and haramzadas sprinkled by fart noises, Ravana and witch laughs of various types in between and then more fart noises."
ME: Hadn't been the situation so grim, I would have laughed my ass off (I found those disgusting fart noises extremely funny, I considered being able to make them one of my special talents).
But now, I didn't want to listen any of it.
I sat there, numb .
I had nothing to say.
Mom (almost sadistically): Plays another one.
"Pinkyy I lovvee youu".
(In a very cringy high pitch voice).
18 seconds of chilling silence
Nightmare of nightmares just came true.
Mom's mouth was wide open in disbelief.
I jumped out of shock, wailing I ran and banged my head on the wall (Literally), I saw it in movies, hero's mother often did it in times of extreme tragedy.
God, it hit so hard I fell down on the ground. Crying hard, gasping for breaths I begged for mercy.
My dark side has been revealed.
I cried till my eyes dried off, my mother tried to console me, she said it's okay. But I was drowning in my ocean of guilt.
Apparently, all those voice clips were saved and I had no hint of it. There were hundreds of those, I guess my parents listened to all of them and had some great fun.
YEARS LATER
Mom : Arey beta vese Pinky thi kon?
(Hey son, who was Pinky by the way ?)
ME (blushing): Hain ??(I acted as if I had no idea of what she's talking about.)
P.S. Pinky was my maths teacher.