It is just sad to lose another relative of mine and they are not too far in between with their passing away with my Uncle and Aunt both of which are my Mother's younger siblings. My mother is just very sad that she wasn't able to visit my Aunt last Sunday due to my sister-in-law's change of schedule as she has to attend some gathering that day about her job.
So the scheduled visitation to my sick Aunt and attendance to my nephew's Christening got cancelled and my mother wasn't able to talk to her sister one last time. For me I am sad and frustrated too because I could not go with my mother, my two brothers, and one of my sister-in-law and her two kids to pay one last visit to my Aunt's wake.
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I remember going to my relatives in my father's side of the family in my grandmother's home because there resides my cousins and my Aunt and I stayed there for about four months. The reason that I did that was because I was already sick and actually suffering from insomnia already. I just thought of having some time with my relatives as I believed that my life will be cut short soon due to my illness, I was wrong.
Now I reached this point where I am surviving and living my life as I wanted. Even my food I cannot enjoy anymore if not that it gets expensive because I have to take phosphate binder each and every time I would eat not to mention the appetite loss that I have to contend with because of the ill-effects of my Parathyroid drug that should help me with my bone/joint pain but is doing a terrible job in doing so.
Now I am just drenched in pain and misery and the bad news is that I am still getting drained with money faster than a speeding locomotive because of the prices of Cinacalcet and Sevelamer, both of which I could not really let forgo in using lest I will get back in lingering pain worse that I am currently experiencing today.
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Anyway I had visited my cousins and relatives in my father's side of my family but not with my mother's side. It is because of financial constraints and due to my illness. had it not been to my illness I might also had been with my relatives there and spent some time with them there too.
But it is too late now for me because of my body's condition so it is just one of my deepest frustrations. I am like in a prison and could not do anything about it. Sometimes I would just like to sink my head in the sand , if only I could turn back time and start over again. But this is my fate that I have to deal with, be strong in mind and spirit with the help of God, anyway I just am believing that this life is just temporal and what I am leaning towards to is the life eternal with God in the third heavens where there are many mansions.
Tomorrow God-willing my mother will stay at my Aunt's wake and it feels good that she would be able to visit my relatives there anyhow. But she will stay there until Tuesday which is my dialysis day. It just means that my mother will not be able to assist me at dialysis. That is fine though because I am still happy that together with my siblings less with mys sister they would be able to see reunite with my relatives there.
