I remember when I started paint this I put Tove Lo's Habits on loop even until I decided the painting is finished. I painted this on December 24th, 2015, one of the days during the weeks or months this soul was trapped in seemingly perpetual cycle of numbness and despair. This picture couldn't really capture the pain, much less to ease the aching feeling however. The cycle continued afterwards, with somehow erratic ups and downs like when the water hit the shores.
The reason why I start blogging again, and with this post as the mark of my (hopefully) coming active contribution, is for me to keep a record on my attempts to ease the turmoil and to keep watch over the creeping monster inside me. I also intend to start drawing again. Drawing used to be my passion, my genuine way of communication, until the moment it turns into a poison as I began to treat it as a medium for me to seek external recognition from the world. And as the time goes by I am becoming more aware of my real purpose of existence in this life, still through the rose-tinted glasses but I’m probably a bit better at discerning what is real in this reality, what is of value, what is truly worth the attention. It is all goes back to what is inside.
That is probably enough for now. Thank you for reading.
Edy
