I have sat here for a moment, trying to decide, between two different sentences, what my opening sentence should be. They are both valid and applicable, so I will give you both.
First-
The word crazy gets tossed around in my world quite a bit.
Which has led to me to question and dig deep within who I am and what I believe, to assess my belief in my sanity.
If crazy means going through hell since the day you were born, violence, insults, which lead to initially being in violent and insulting relationships. Healing to a certain extent, raising kids, living life, then in a moment of weakness, being sucked in by a covert narcissist. Being led to a space of suicide, twice. Believing I was worthless, beat down. Then, coming back, smarter and stronger than ever. With more belief about who I am and my abilities to trust myself, my instincts, my judgments... if that's crazy, come get me boys!! 😄
All because I did not take the time to heal from a previous separation that I believed would never happen. Desperate to hold onto that lost love, I transferred all the emotion and belief into, what I did not know at the time, was a covert, malignant narcissist. Some say their is no such thing as a malignant, covert narcissist, but if you read through the descriptions of each, both apply to him. What amounted to almost 7 years of hell ensued. Then he hooked up with a psychopath that is currently stalking me. Good Times!
I gave you that sentence first because it is negative feeling. It could bring a person down if they can relate in any way. So, I decided to end with the second sentence choice. It's feel goody, upbeat. My kind of ending!
Second-
Isn't life fantastic? It is so tragically heartbreaking and amazingly beautifully.
I guess this is where crazy gets tossed back into the mix. 🙃
i was ran out of town by some CIA (implied to me?-law enforcement affiliated in some way)/drug lord (pretty damn sure about that one, cat stolen... etc. too much ugliness to list here), and I am sitting here loving life in this moment.
No job, no truck insurance, no cash. This woman, who obviously feels threatened beyond measure, (to put in such effort over me, lol), could sit and say, "see, I told you she was a loser", never admitting that she has been the puppet master for a year, at least. (Which I am pretty damn sure I could prove.) and look, I am loving life right now.
She tried to break me. Probably will still try. (She can't seem to separate her ego from her decision making process.) This woman has forced me to get to know me. Forced me to believe in me.
I am stronger than I have ever been in my life. My life is beautiful. Even in the darkness, when it sucks. If I can separate from that emotion, I see the beauty.
It's all about how you think. I may get thrown in the psych. ward, and yes, that will suck. I will find my way back though. I always do. I may get snipered... (i just made that up!), but I will be snipered with honor and integrity. I will be dead with peace in my heart. Not conflict and confusion, which is what she is trying to create in my life.
Her intentions come from an ugly heart. I will be dead with peace in my heart. She will live on with hatred and drama fueling her world because she refuses to truly value who she is. If she would stop and work through that heartache she carries, she would see her beauty too. Her real beauty, not that bullshit exterior stuff.
Today is a big day for me. Keep on being you.
Peace to all.