My first instinct is to apologize for not being active here but if I'm being honest, I'm not sorry. Life has been much more demanding since I came back to Japan, though a lot less demanding than it used to be before I started on this journey of self-actualization.
I do more and more out of joy and less and less out of obligation. There still seems to be a lot of obligation around "work" but the cool thing is, a lot of what still starts as obligation turn into joy.
I'm actually enjoying my work these days. The salary was shit so I put in some more hours, feeling really resentful about it and really tired at first but now I'm getting used to it and actually enjoying it. In order to afford a short vacation I've been putting in even more hours. I'm tired again but I trust that if I just accept it i will come to enjoy it.
Getting upset about it sure didn't lead me anywhere. I crashed pretty hard for a week time but came out realizing that i haven't been consistent with my daily meditation....ever and 10-15 minutes is all I need to propel into awesome and infinite so...if anything sucks it's all on me.
This is not passivity. I take action when there is action to take. I asked for a raise and got it. I asked for a vacation and got it. I knew I would.
There is still some stuff I'm working on but these 15 minutes a day seem to be where the answer is at.
Recently I've felt inspired to pursue the idea of buying a branch of my school or starting a new branch as a partnership. That sounds like a bigger deal than it is but the school is tiny. I always want to explore life as an artist and writer and live in a place with those kinds of people but people seem to appreciate me much more as a teacher and more importantly, I have an easier time focusing when I believe I'm gonna be paid for what I doing. Knowing I'll be able to travel and eat is still more motivation for me than anything. Just being honest about where i am.
But buying the school will take a lot of work in a direction I didn't plan on going in. It's kind of a detour. It'll take time to build into something I like and it might mean moving away from art and music and writing for a while...but if this doesn't stop me, my own mind will because I've still got those traces of idea of lack in me, trauma involving my relationship with society and I think mending that is essentially to making a life that is fulfilling.
When I chilled out and meditated for the first time In while, immediately after a friend sent me a message saying she would give me her old iphone6 which is at least 3x better than my current phone. So that's cool!
How is dtube these days? I'm feeling a bit inspired to share stuff on camera and definetly prefer here to youtube. Does the app work without problems? Is anyone still around?