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There. One zombie-fighting kit on the way. "Don't leave your house," everyone says. Bullshit. I fell for that during the last pandemic. And what was my reward? A zombie pandemic. Once my kit gets here, not only will I be leaving my house, I'll be smashing zombies left and right!
What could be in that kit? A sword would be nice. A shotgun would be useful. Maybe a flame thrower? That would be really cool. And some explosives! You've got to have explosives! Possibly some zombie repellent spray? There could be any number of weapons in that kit. And for that price, there had better be.
5 minutes Later.
Thud
Finally. They must have sent the slow drone. Better check for zombies before I open the door. I still feel ridiculous for saying that. All clear. But...the box looks rather small. Certainly too small for a flame thrower. Damn. Too small for a shotgun too. Okay. Handguns and grenades. Those will do.
The packaging is a little peculiar too. With a crude drawing of a crazy-haired woman on one side. That must be Snook. The inspiration for this kit. According to Twitter, she's killed more zombies than anyone on the planet. That's all the evidence I need. Better be careful while opening this. Don't want to set off an explosive.
Slash. Slash. Rip
.
.
.
Well. I'm dead. What the-? This has to be a mistake! What is this? High-heel shoes?! A black rubber dress?!! Was this supposed to go to Tim Curry? There are pieces of paper too. More crude drawings of that crazy-looking lady. Holding a high-heel shoe. Stabbing a zombie with a high-heel shoe. And another with her standing angrily over what could be a dead human. Are these supposed to be the instructions?
I have duct tape. I could file the heels to a point and attach the shoes to my hands a la Omra-Shoehands. But, what about the dress? Do zombies hate rubber? I don't remember that from any of the movies. But, why else would it be part of the kit?
Well, considering my low toilet paper supply I better try the dress on before heading to the store. Better safe than sorry.
Thank you @snook for the "motivation". It's been a while and I'm a little rusty. Thanks for reading!
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Thank you, Snook!