We have reached day 7 which is the last day of #sevendaysoflove challenge by @deadgrlsuppastar, who has been dedicated to this contest she started, in spite of having to be there for her child with some tooth complications in this duration. I'm thankful for this challenge she has organized, as I'm not one who is used to "showcase" love and for this challenge, I dare myself to write about what I believe about love, challenging myself with what I believe in too.
Image Source: Pexels
Here's my wild card for the last entry - Love is a need created for us. Well, let me share a personal true story about how I discovered love or rather, Love pursued and found me.
I grew up in a typical Asian Chinese family, where love is expressed in a more conservative way and we don't say "I love you" to each other or hug much when we are grown up, thus it did make me wonder even more what love is. Without all these gestures, somehow the message of love is delivered and I do know by now that my parents love me, though I honestly doubted before. I guess, like many others, I always thought I want to be loved or want to love someone. When I was 14, I wondered who would be my life partner when I grew up, who would want to love me so I can be "complete".
The Love Tank
Image Source: Pexels
Looking back at this, I realize this is quite selfish, though I won't debate whether it is right or wrong because I believed that's the discovery of a love tank within us, hence we would yearn for love, for someone to see the gem in us, for someone to appreciate us, for someone who would love us as we are. That, I think is realizing that we have a love tank.
A love tank is a capacity deposited within us that can be filled by many things. It can be doing the things we like, eating good food, spending time with friends, traveling to places we like, receiving gifts etc. However, as I grow, I felt like all these things cannot fulfil me, or did I get greedy over the years? Or is it I have yet to experience the "greatest" love of all? (I didn't start dating till I was 18 or 19. So can it be because I haven't met my Special someone?)
Someone Found Me
Image Source:Pixabay
Being someone with lesser confidence back then in my teenage years, I remember I was talking to one of my best friends: Who would like girls like us who aren't too gentle or pretty? Hahaha. It was such a cute conversation for us teenage girls because our other pretty friends were pursued. My another very good friend was a popular girl who received many gifts on Valentine's Day every year in class. Back then, they could send flowers, chocolates or gifts with orders placed through various clubs in school. My best friend and I received none. But we had each other, so it didn't feel that bad either. Hahaha.
Nevertheless, when I was 14, I was touched by the love of God who decided to love me before I know my value or worth. I accepted Jesus into my life and I thought He is like any other religion, that I needed to pray fervently and sincerely for Him to grant my wishes. Haha so He was more like a magical genie to me, in some sense. Actually, I was quite moved to know He is willing to love me so I continued to learn more about Him. I tried relating with Him because everyone told me He isn't a religion but a Person and I can have a personal relationship with Him. At first, Jesus was like a Teacher, teaching me things that I do not know before this, good values which later shaped my life and character. I learnt that He always teaches His disciples too to live by faith, not by sight.
In the later years, I related with Jesus as a Friend. I would talk to Him with my heart and relay my problems to Him. I remember Him being there for me and I started to find Him more real than before. I could tell Him things that I didn't tell others and at the same time, I could feel His deep assurances within me. He spoke to me through impressions of the heart or some very deep feelings, words from the Good Book, through people or things around me which would touch me and make me tear, helping me to feel better after that. Sometimes it is like a deep closure with God about the things I regret doing or saying and receiving His forgiveness.
Honestly, that helped me a lot through my teenage years, besides having real people and friends in my life. These are people who brought me to know Jesus more and more, including various families and individuals, whom I'm forever grateful for. One of which is @zord189's family and I reconnect back with him through Steemit, talk about coincidence, right? Hehe. So this also helped me recall those years when I tagged along others to church occasionally.
The Lover of My Soul
Image Source: Unsplash
Before I learnt how to love in any boy-girl-relationship or even any relationship, I experienced love from the Lover of my soul -God. Some maybe curious, He is God-sent, how can He lower Himself to be my Lover? He was like my closest Friend in that period, I could joke and tell Him anything including the guy I secretly had a crush on. It was the first time I felt that relationship between me and God has grown to be organic.
Even after I started courtship with my husband, I realized I had so many insecurities that Daniel cannot fulfil. It would be super unfair to make him fulfil something that only God can do, like restoring some inner heart or lack that I have. When I tried to receive all these from Daniel, more clashes happened. That's when I know besides having a spouse to love and be loved, both Daniel and I actually need God for our own selves. With God's love, we are taught and restored to be loved and love better too. That's when I know that God is truly the Lover of my soul, for He is always the Source of Love. I myself can enjoy myself loving God, Daniel, my child and people around me when I constantly know and be loved by God. Whenever I feel empty in my life, I know that's an indication I got to return to God's grace to soak in His love again and again. His love is still very tangible and enjoyable for me.
I realized with God's love, I am different and it empowered me to see who I truly am, through His eyes. I found out that I need not be ashamed that I am made to need love and I don't need to deny how I am created. Love is not an accessory like an earring, which we can choose to put on or not, but it is a need, like water. We can't survive too long without it. Yes, we can perhaps run on an empty love tank, but eventually we can be burn out, depressed and even suicidal, for there is nothing to fuel us on.
I understand that sometimes we tend to feel lonely, and we may try to get ourselves loved through our own efforts. I have known someone who does it at the expense of others just to make sure she is fulfilled. Hence she has destroyed many friendships and got herself miserable in the end. However, I have news for you that it doesn't have to be that way. I too can "relapse" back into insecurity but now I know Who is my true Fulfilment.
Here's something I posted years ago on my Instagram account, when I was thinking why everyone could be asking why we love God as one of His commandments:
Created this photo with my own words and an app to remind myself.
As a person who didn't know how to love and be loved, I'm utmost grateful for God's love in my life. He pursued me back then and He still pursues me today. This love is unconditional and nothing I can do to switch it off. I found my self-worth and value in Him when He shows me how He loves me. Today I can say 'I love you' to my family and show love, even in a conservative culture. His loves enables me!
A photo taken from my Facebook account
This is one of my important songs in life, the one I was singing in the photo above:
I would like to conclude my post today with a verse from the Bible:
We have come into an intimate experience with God’s love, and we trust in the love he has for us.God is love!Those who are living in love are living in God, and God lives through them. By living in God, love has been brought to its full expression in us so that we may fearlessly face the day of judgment,because all that Jesus now is, so are we in this world. Love never brings fear, for fear is always related to punishment. But love’s perfection drives the fear of punishment far from our hearts. Whoever walks constantly afraid of punishment has not reached love’s perfection. ~1 John 4:16-18 The Passion Translation Source
Hehe sorry for the long post again, hope you enjoy reading it. This is one story of my life that I wish I can have the best words and articulation to illustrate it out. My intention is not to impose any religious thinking on any of you, but to just remind us to embrace our true nature, a nature made for Love.
Image Source: Unsplash
Thank you for spending your time to drop by and read! May this blesses you as much as it has blessed me. 💗 Indeed, love is a power that takes us to heights we can never imagine!
