As you go through challenges to challenges, it eventually stops.
The body, your head and your self, just do not breathe anymore. You are so mentally tired that you get physically tired. You do not work anymore and do not want to do anything, just lay under the pillow all the day and sleep, sleep all the time.
When I went to the youth school, I realized that I was done there and could start life on a new one, get in a new place with blank sheets and be able to shape a new impression of the world out there.
Bullying is something that is not taken seriously, not seriously. It's too long before something happens, I've read so much about people who take their lives because they do not worry more and because they're not heard. Nobody does anything with the problems until it goes so far and when it goes so far, it does not happen much more. I know so amazingly how it's everyday to go to school, to wonder to go out at home and meet people at all. You are afraid of what others think and think about you and so much to say because you care about what others think and think about you. And it does not really help you to think that way. Because when you come to the point that you want to make everyone happy with yourself, that point does something about a person.
It has ruined me.
I thought I could get rid of all this, get rid of the bullying and fear of what others think and think about me. It helped a lot to get on, get in another place where people actually accepted you for who you were and did not care about how you looked or how clothes you went in. For 3 years it has been very good, so good That I finally saw light in the tunnel.
Right up to now. Now everything is gone. I do not quite understand what happens to myself .. I'm tired all the time, just want to stay home and preferably not meet anyone .. Why is that? I've been afraid of what people think and think about me again .. I'm constantly thinking about how I look, both how my body is and how my appearance is. I'm constantly thinking about how much I weigh, what I'm wearing clothes to make people like me how to make up my hair, yes, most of the time!
I cry inside, hiding everything for everyone and saying nothing. Perhaps that's where the problem lies? Perhaps I do not talk about what bothering me.
Even not the years I went to the youth school as I was bullied, I thought of these things.
Even though all the girls in my class thought about how they looked and all that. I did not care at that time. There is something that has come now. A fear. I am not at all happy with myself, not the appearance or the body. There is so much I want to fix. Even if people tell me I'm good enough, I'm so, it's something about me saying that what they say is not true, that's something that makes me unable to believe them.
I could smile without having a reason before, now I can not. The smile, the joy, the hope is gone. I've robbed me of my own life and do not know how to move on. It's not like I'm thinking I do not want to live anymore, because I want to! I want a nice life where I can do well! And no matter how difficult things are, I'll do it, I'll do it, I just have to find the way.
Be yourself and show respect for others is not all that appears on the outside <3