Tonight I want to talk about something that I think is a nagging question for a lot of adults in today's day in age. It seems that most people that are in generations younger than the boomers, have a lack of socials circles, communities and outlets- at least in the same depth and complexity of meaningful relationships and lifetime friendships. I don't know if it can be directly contributed to the technological changes, or of it's largely influenced by the social changes that resulted in the digital age and the separation of the family unit in North America. It's hard to say for sure. More than likely, the two things are intertwined like the relationship to how much television someone watches to how engaged someone is in their life. That is a whole other topic for another day, though.
I've often wondered, through my life, how and where people meet and forge new friendships. It's not for a lack of understanding of people or a total lack of social awareness, although there were times in my life when I wasn't nearly as socially or self aware as I am now. Part of that, I contribute to the passage of time and some of it, I will take credit for through taking deliberate action in life to change my circles of influence and to take the advice of people who were examples that I could learn from. Of course, I would not be able to make headway without that direction, so a great deal of that credit goes to people that I have spent time with, developed relationships with or had incredible conversations with in passing. To get back to the point, even after developing many solid relationships and friendships, I'm still, at times, perplexed by where and how to meet people in this ever changing world.
I think back to my childhood, being encouraged to go out and play with kids in the area to meet new people, and I did. I met all kinds of people, from all different age groups and whatever diverse backgrounds there were, as limited as the cultural diversity of the area I lived, granted my ability to do so. My parents heralded mystical stories of their childhood, where they would grab a ball glove and go play baseball with the entire neighborhood and have enough kids for a game. I remember riding my bike out into the world with this dream, firmly planted in my mind, ready to cultivate this great ball game that would never exist. Not because I wasn't looking, willing or able to be relentless in my pursuit for the nectar of life that I was sure existed in that ball game, but, because it seemed like there just wasn't enough kids in the neighborhood. Regardless of how many bodies packed the school bus, like so many stinky, little sardines, squealing with delight; even with the occasional acknowledgement of the indignation of the imprisonment of their youth by the unknown institutions which were grooming them for their indentured lifetime of slavery to build someone elses' dream, we somehow fell short of free range children willing to take the field and play that fateful game. At a young age, I knew things were changing in the world and it seems to me, I may have been gifted a keen eye for these things. Hearing the experiences of my elders and hanging to the words of a world past, I yearned for a time where the pursuit of adventure was embraced by the willingness of the spirit to take flight. Where would I meet people who felt the same way?
Acknowledging that the pursuit of this dream was bringing me a short supply of results, I soon set my sights to freedom on two wheels and left behind the notion of the baseball game and eagerly awaited my chance to play on the field with a team that would have to fill the gap. This moment represents my first realization of the complexities of the communities that we seek, and it was only going to get more complex in the passing months and years. Even through moving cities, schools and towns, as I learned to meet new people and find my tribes; I remained unsure of how to connect with others that were willing to take flight and “suck the marrow out of life” as Henry David Thoreau so eloquently put it. Of course, I found no shortage of savages to share my tribal associations with, and if any of those beauties are reading this, I howl at the moon on the memory of those fateful days with a smile on my face. It's not with a lack of fulfillment or contentment that I search for the answer to my questions, but those were the times that made it easy to howl at the moon with a beautifully mismatched tribe of heathens.
Entering the adult world, I'd faced so many types of challenges, socially, physically and relationally, that I had no clue where to search to find other humans to share the human experience with. A lot of that had to do with the simple fact that I had not yet determined my values, what I wanted or what I was willing to do to get there. Had I known any of that, I may have had more of a clue where to meet people, and maybe avoided some of the hard lessons of where and how not to meet people, but the truth is; meeting people as an adult was weird. If you don't work in a social environment, how do you meet people at work? If your co-workers are drowning in their own self loathing and inability to cultivate the slightest bit of ambition to escape their daily hell, why the hell would I want to spend more time with them lamenting about why we're stuck in the same spot? And I did spend some time there. I'm not saying they were bad people, but they were there in a season of my life and not destined to be my tribe. Maybe some will make a return some day, but that's unknown. No love lost on my side for people in my past who may not be in my life anymore and I'm sure there's some people that I lost touch with that are doing amazing, but if you're not losing friends, you're not growing up. Because our social circles are an ever changing, ever evolving thing, the question arose again, as the echoes of that fateful ball game sang through time casting wonder on the ways I could find my tribe.
I would find my way to college and find a multitude of new ways to meet people while learning the complexities of intertwined and independent communities that sometimes found themselves at odds with one another. Through that time, howling at the moon, chasing the concept of the ideal life as prescribed by the world at large, I found my own way into the insatiable insanity of tribes that I could get lost in. I look back on these years fondly, for, in many ways, they shaped me in the most defining ways of my existence and built up the foundation of who I will always be, in some form. Although I've accepted the invitation to chisel away and rebuild certain parts of that individual, I first defined my very existence through the trials and tribulations of those relations and experiences. Glazing over these years so quickly makes me almost morose, but that's a tangent that would take me away from the question at hand. Leaping forward with great excitement about the future and all its' possibilities, I jumped from school back into the working world, where, once again the search began.
My previous tribe, which was like a functionally dysfunctional family, had disbanded. Not due to a lack of love, but due to the forces unseen in the universe, varying level of ambition and the gravity of life, that tribe spread around the globe, and I carry them in my heart, as they are still a part of me, because they shaped a part of me.
Being cast out into the world by the completion of a goal, choices were made and priorities set that led me back to a world of work that was mostly separated from meaningful social interaction. I stand by the reasons for my choices and embrace the many lessons in life, because they have brought me to where I am and I feel as if I am exactly where I want and need to be. That being said, this season of my life solidified the question: Where do I find people who are willing to take flight? Where do I find my tribe?
As time has progressed though life, that question remains, although I have a great deal of many people who are important to me in life. The universe is abundant and generous in its' many gifts of friendship and I have a lot of people to be grateful for, but this changing world has me wondering where people meet in this world. I'm no longer chasing the baseball game in my neighborhood, but that doesn't mean I'm not chasing the concept. Has the world changed too much to grasp, even the concept of meeting people in the real world? Is the boomer generation the last one to forge real and meaningful relationships where people communicate and actually talk on the phone or in person, instead of just text messages, snapchat, tinder, bumble, shapr and video calls, or will we see a rise in human interaction in real communities, once again as the world finds its' new identity on the other side of its' current identity crisis? Has the world changed too much for humanity to forge those meaningful, lifetime relationships that forge communities that echo through generations? Maybe I am still chasing that baseball game. Not so much for me, but for my future children and grandchildren, should I be so blessed.
That's where I'm going to leave my thoughts. I once again, have more questions than answers. Such is the way when chasing a dream, I suppose. In light of the topic, I'll end with one last question:
Where you meet people?
Much love and stay well.
