I know a few people want more Black chapters, and I appreciate - and you'll get them.

I just want to vent about how low my Steemit motivation has been. It's been declining for a long time now, but I've really reached the point of questioning why I'm even here.

Mind you, I always arrive to the same answer, which is the few people here who like and support me.

But there's just no winning. I lost yet another whale follower recently. I don't know why, I just did. I guess people want to distance themselves from me because I'm so negative, and I don't have Steemit tattooed on my chest.

This has nothing to do with the price, either. Obviously, the amount of STEEM made per post is still the same. It's just that I'm seeing no growth here. No matter what I do.

My posts become invisible after 30 minutes. I have almost no active followers, so my posts get lost in the new feed - never to be seen again.

It's difficult to justify writing 5,000 words, doing demanding mental work, for three views and a dollar.

And don't get me wrong, I appreciate the couple of views I get. And it's unfair for me to complain about this because it seems as if I don't appreciate them.

I do.

It's just that I'd like to see some growth.

And I'd really like to scream off the top of my lungs from the top of a hill:

WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO POST ABOUT TO GET SOME FUCKING SUPPORT HERE?!

Do you want funny stuff? I can do funny. Crypto stuff? Sure, I can do crypto.

Zebras' copulational habits? Probably, yeah. For a whale vote, sure.

Just fucking tell me.

The only thing I can't do is turn into an idiotic thot who takes off her clothes and posts silly stories about "From Rags to Riches on Steemit", which gets upvoted by Steemit's chronic masturbators. That I can't do.

But anything else, I'm open for it.

We all know that's a rhetorical question, though. The content doesn't matter. It was never the main thing, but it's even less so today.

That kinda brings me to the main issue at hand, like I said.

Why keep doing this when there's zero chance of success? Might as well power down what little STEEM I have left and move my writings elsewhere.

I'm not doing that, though. I did some writing earlier, but ran into a wall, thinking about the pointlessness of it. I still love the feedback aspect of it all. That I enjoy very much. And please do keep reading and leaving comments and all that whenever I do post those chapters.

So I dunno, man.

I've been getting into Twitch and YouTube stuff recently, and at least that's "fair" in the sense that you produce good stuff, you gain followers, and all followers are equal.

You don't have a group of 13 that you need to try and please in order to get anywhere.

And if they dislike you, good luck, you're dead.

Honestly, from time to time I entertain the idea of just making a new account and abandoning this one. I see some of the stuff that gets those Curie votes, and it clearly doesn't take much.

Maybe that's the way forward.

• Make a new account, milk Curie;
• Your account gets too big, create a new one;
• Repeat

There's no other way these days.