Oh, yes. You see, today is my birthday. But, not just any birthday. It's my 26th birthday, meaning that of course my knees will give out, my hair shall turn as grey as Gandalf the Grey's grey bush, and I'll only be able to eat prunes that are blended up for me by my grandchildren. Who of course are actually just children I've kidnapped due to my early onset dementia and forced to blend up my meals while listening to my old war stories. Yes, all this and more begins today as I make my way into the my late 20's. The path of an old man is upon me!
On a serious note though, yeah, it's my birthday. Hooray or some shit like that. While I don't think my knees will give out quite yet, or that I'm going to have a head of wizardly pubic hair, I do have to say it feels pretty weird when I think about how old I am. It doesn't feel like that long ago I was just turning 18 years old. Hell, I still feel like a teenager on the inside most of the time, I don't think much has really changed about me over the past 7 or 8 years. It's just crazy to think of where all the time has went. Before I know it I'll be in my mid 30's wondering what the fuck I've done with my life probably.
I'm sure most of you will tell me to shut the fuck up though, since I'm probably still a youngin compared to a lot of users on here. My only response to that is go take your god damn nap, old man/woman. You go to sleep, or I will put you to sleep. I just felt like writing a bit to get some of these feelings off my chest, and figured this would be something different to post. While I love to celebrate my friends and loved ones birthdays, I've always felt weird about my own. I've never been big on my own birthday, I prefer not to make a big deal out of it or do anything at all for the most part. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels that way. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to hear people wish me a happy birthday and all that jazz, as it's nice to know that at the very least a few people care. It has just never felt very special for me though.
I've always just felt like I was missing something. Even going as far back to when I was a kid it felt like that and worse in other ways. Back then, every year it just felt like an awkward, depressing event that was looming over the horizon. Always reminding me that I lacked family to even celebrate it with in comparison to my friends birthdays, where they had plenty of family and people around to show that they cared. Having most of your family disown you or die before you're 8 years old probably will do that to you, I suppose. And, being a loner probably didn't help much either. I guess my birthday just made me think of the gap I had in relationships and reminded me that I was pretty much alone throughout the years. Though I always had at least 2 or 3 people there for me, which I should be grateful/happy for.
At least when I was a kid, that is. After growing up, I've learned to just deal with the hand that life dealt me and don't let it bother me when this day comes each year. Being an adult definitely lowers your expectations I feel, or at the very least you just don't give that much of a shit about celebrating anymore. At least that feeling of having a gap in my relationships is mostly gone now. I'm thankful I have my wonderful fiancee around, as she/our relationship is the start to a family that I have always wanted. As well as a few good friends that I'm lucky that I have. Man, typing that out has made me feel like I am an eternal emo kid. Christ. I guess it's time for me to stop ranting about this shit before I vomit in my mouth.
So, lets just move on I guess. What will I be doing for my birthday this year? Well, I'm going to lay around in bed watching older horror movies (John Carpenters The Thing, Aliens, The Shining) throughout the day, take a nap and probably eat some food while checking on Steemit. Works for me since I've been insanely tired and stressed out lately. Oh, and of course I'll be thinking about what next year will bring me. I expect that my next birthday will have me looking/living like the fine fellow here in this picture below.
Not really all that different from most of my normal days, but hey, I'm more than happy to do it. If we had more money I'd probably just go out to the movies so I could actually get out of the house, but that's kind of out of the question right now since we're dumping all our money to cover the costs of our apartment and moving. I'm not sure what the point of this post was, I guess it was just to get some feelings off my chest. That or it's the dementia kicking in and making me just write nonsense. One or the other. Hope you've enjoyed reading through this crap. Until next year, computer doods!
