RE: RE: Psyber X Writing Contest - Oct 2022
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RE: Psyber X Writing Contest - Oct 2022

RE: Psyber X Writing Contest - Oct 2022

Fantastic story, really well written and a great continuation of the first chapter, this is the best thing about writing as part of a team, it's all about taking the torch and passing it onto the next person, which you have done here.

There is a clear place to go from here, meaning that anyone would be able to come along and continue the story, you also added many interesting things into the lore of the world. The mention of the Equinox syndicate and the Ripper Doc Kade, flipping sigils. (I don't know what that means, but, I'm interested and would like to know more, which is exactly how World Building should make a reader feel.) Also the idea of cloaking tech and the mention of the Cartel Thugs and the fact that she has had run ins with them before.

All of these elements and mentions, elude to a larger story in the wider world, which allows peoples imaginations to run wild and helps all of these characters to feel like they've lived lives before we the audiance have started following them, well done!

Only two little things though, Dolly is a profession, like a sex doll, dolly, almost or something like that. Also, the Snatchers are after Faller too, as they think he informed to the ZPD, as the raid happened right after the exchange where Faller got to Psybernetics off them.

But, they're only minor details. Your dialog was well written and had a great flow to it, each character felt unique and distinct and as I said before, you have a clearly defined direction to go, that anyone could come in and continue this story. Great work!

!PIZZA

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