I wake up at 3 o’clock in the morning as I usually do when I don’t have a shift. I’m still sleepy, thanks to the rumbling thunder outside. I’m not afraid of lighnings but last night was kindadifferent. It was as if the clouds were right beside our window. So I got out of bed, wore my slippers and walked towards the bathroom. As I was pullyng my pyjamas down, I looked below. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUDGE!!! I HAVE A DING-A-LING!!! I don’t know how I managed to pee, I’d rather not talk about it, to be honest but when I was done, I took a good look around and I realized I was not in our bathroom! Then it dawned to me, like the morning light starting to seep in through this huge bathroom’s exhaust, I don’t have a bathroom inside our bedroom! I must still be dreaming. Oh, there’s a sink. Let me wash my face. That’ll surely wake me up. Thenk I looked in the mirror. “HOLY CRAFT!!!”* That is not me! That’s the president! I touch my face rather very rashly as if trying to slap myself at the same time to wake me up if I’m still in this not so funny dream. I touched my breasts. I know they’re flatter than the usual but I know they should be in there somewhere but now they’re gone! Then I turned to that one dangling thing placed where my womanhood used to be. Oh no! I’m in a man’s body. Oh hell no! I’m in the president’s body!
Breathe in, breathe out. Okay. If this is a joke, there might be a way to remove this wig. I pulled my hair. Ouch! It’s real, alright! I really am in the president’s body!
Woot woot! I am in the President’s body! I’ll get to be the president today! I check out the bed. Wow! Presidential suite, baby! Hmm. So this is how it feels to sleep in the bed designed for the President of the Philippines. Then I realized, this might not last for long. I might as well check out what it’s like to be him. Okay. First things first. Let’s have breakfast.
I go downstairs to the presidential kitchen. I like the sound of that. Let’s have a hearty Filipino breakfast dish today. Fried rice, dried fish, tomatoes. I’d like to see how his chefs will make these dish look classy. Hah! I’m the President of the Philippines today. I’ll make sure this will count.
Oh, another thing. I’ve always wanted to have a fansign from him. I go ahead and head for the office in the palace. It’s easy to find the pen on top of his table. I’ll go ahead and write down. “Hi @romeskie! Have a great day!” Alright! Now that’s there. Let’s take a picture. Print this one out. Et voila! Let’s have the mailman deliver this to my address. I am having a perfect start!
There is another mirror on the hallway. I was going to inspect the other rooms when I noticed the President’s face is too wrinkly. Hmm. Oh, I know how I’ll spend the rest of the day today!
Let’s have my secretary cancel all of my appointments today. Err... The President’s appointment today. (Don’t wanna get used to this feeling, better keep myself in check). Let’s go ahead and schedule the following:
Facial appointment
Full body massage
Haircut
Foot spa
Film viewing of the Jurassic World (or maybe Frozen, or Moana!)
Have some coffee at the nearest Starbucks
Have a dip at the pool
I’m not sure what the consequences are for cancelling any of his appointments today. Attending to those myself might ruin the future of our country. I’m no politician. I couldn’t even run our school council back in the day, what more an entire country. Nope. Not gonna risk that. I’d take this time to give Mr. President a treat. He won’t experience it first hand, but at least when he gets back to his own body, he’ll feel his happy hormones shoot up.
We all see him as a naughty chill-out laid-back type of President. It’s as if the toll of taking on the challenge of being a leader of a third world country isn’t affecting him at all. But I know he’s only human. One way or another, he’s gonna give in to stress. Everybody does. So today, I’ll give him a treat. Well, he’s still gonna pay for the charges, (I’ll make sure it’s not taken from the country’s budget). Besides, I’m in his body, I’ll be able to feel the relaxation too first hand. Win-win, right? I just hope he’s also having fun if we, for some reason exchanged bodies but not too much fun though.
When the day ends (which I sure hope is the end of this unusual journey. I want to go back to my original self! I still don't know how to pee properly with this ding-a-ling dingdong! I pity the house keepers), before I sleep - in his presidential bed, which I will have jumped up and down on for so many times for this day - , I’ll go ahead and write him a note. Just to remind him not to take everything in all at the same time. All the problems, all the issues, all those politics – those are just part of a job. And I’d like to let him know and see it right away when he wakes up. I’m going to write it at his ceiling, right on top of his bed.
“You’re doing great! Don’t forget to smile.”
