People think that there aren't solutions to their problems, because they've only done the primal reaction, like asking someone they know or trying to solve the problem themselves. In many cases the solution to their problems is so basic that it almost becomes laughable. The issue then is that they often assume that they've done EVERYTHING when they truly haven't. So many common issues are solved with "eat less and walk more", and it's amazing.
I think a lot of the issue comes from not knowing what to look for, and in many cases, not knowing that there's a potential solution to your problem. For example, if you struggle with communication, you might not even consider that you could read about the best methods and techniques for communication.
I think some level of self-awareness is needed to even consider the possibility that you might be doing something wrong, and even more to consider that you don't know what you need to do, and even more to be willing to actually research the issue.
Our default mode of operation is to be as low-information as possible. We don't want to have to think too much about anything, which is why we love narratives like "I can't lose weight no matter what I do.".
It's frustrating when you want to offer a solution to someone and they'll just hand wave it away, especially when it's not some crazy change to your life. It's like "Why are you trying to cope this hard? Just lose the weight."
When we apply human intuition, we end up making really bad decisions, as intuition was built to solve the problems we had 10,000 years ago, not the problems we have in a post-modern society.
And I completely agree that we are "primally programmed". We evolved in very different environments than now, and a lot of our behaviors end up being quite unreasonable for the time we live in.
Knowing that there is even a problem or what the problem may be is difficult. For me I thought that people were in the camp of "they just don't vibe with me, others do" or "people that vibe with me" or "this person is just unhinged" and categories like that. Still those categories are legit but my classification was way off. Many people didn't vibe with me because I was talking with them in a horrifying way... at least in my view... wheras the people that vibe with me only did so because they had very thick skin or just had not interacted on a topic where I'd treat them badly yet. Nobody told me what was going on for roughly 20 years. Only when a friend of years with thick skin pointed it out did I become aware. The reason they pointed it out was because I got lucky and saw a glimmer of the problem on my own in a very specific scenario that confused me deeply.
I think people often are just not made aware there is even a problem.
Much like the guy who's wife was going to leave and getting fired for cruel communication. People only complained about symptoms with judgement statements. Never were they clear about the actual actions and the effects.
It's like when a baby cries. We know something is a problem but we have very little direction of what that problem is. Maybe it's hungry, tired, needs a diaper change, etc. Once I dealt with a baby that cried a lot and we accidentally figured out it just had excessive gas that couldn't be helped with back patting and needed a medication to help. It was about its food. The crying only indicated it was upset but not what about.
Same goes for people complaining and saying things like "you're mean" or "you're stupid".
Life seems like a terrifying thing for humans to do. So little understanding and so much blindness of ourselves and others.
