Blah blah blah.
Births are supposed to be all rainbows & unicorns. Having my twins certainty changed my perspective on the whole birth thing. It was basically a nightmare. I wanted rainbows & unicorns. I wanted to be able to birth in a bathtub and do everything naturally. I wanted my "Fuck Yeah! I am woman!" moment. Guess what? NO. That didn't happen. None of that happened.
Here, your body has failed you. Your babies are going to be born premature. We need to cut them out of you IMMEDIATELY or one of them is going to die. "Don't worry, you're in good hands." Talk about a god damn rollercoaster of emotions. They say not knowing is the worst part? For me it was THE KNOWING. I didn't want to hear about anything besides our exit. I had a really hard time accepting the fact that I basically failed in the whole woman end of things. What did I do wrong?
Well, I realize now the answer is nothing. I didn't do anything wrong. Shit happens. They weren't in the NICU very long - 3 weeks. Some parents have brutally long stays and the outcomes aren't always good. I applaud those parents. I however, was a basket case. An over the top mess. This isn't the way you envision first seeing your child. Nevermind the fact that I was doped up from surgery. So... I guess I sorta got rainbows & unicorns? Just not in the way I intended!
