Poster Grrl | A film by Fringe Life Squad
First and foremost I have to say this film exists only because of the pirates who believed she needed to be made @asonintrigue @thelocomotive @illpoetic and @definitionmusic yaarrr!!

Poster Grrl | Facebook Page

I wrote Poster Grrl because I felt it was a part of my life others struggling with addictions could relate too and appreciate. I know for me, being out on the streets in my twenties and feeling quite safe and secure seems absolutely insane to most- so I wanted to delve into why I felt okay. I mean I was completely wasted the entire time, but why was I not afraid of my situation, but terrified of getting better? I think it is because I knew I could trust myself more than I would ever trust anyone else. This stems from never finding or thinking anyone could or would ever have my best interest at heart.

I grew up catholic and went to catholic school, but my home life was anything but divine. My parents took in foster kids when I was around eight and that just fucked my world up. I had a foster brother- Doug Dimmitt- that came from an environment of abuse. He learned how to navigate and maneuver in his world through abusers so it was no wonder he would act on his impulses when taken out of his environment.

The shame and guilt that followed tore at me so deeply, I had no outlet to release my screams upon. Like a good catholic girl I kept my mouth shut and wondered in silence why God hated me. I also had a father who was beyond corporal punishment for his children and his beatings were not only mental threats, but actual acting on those threats. My only saving grace was my mother - whom I loved more than my own self. However, that wasn't enough to keep myself from imploding. I felt so much hate for my foster brother and my father that I turned it inward onto myself. I was so lost. I was so alone in my thinking. Secrets had to be kept- but as a child you are bursting to let them out. I started drinking at age 8. I remember watching Dallas and thinking, "Oh this is how grown ups deal with life- they drink." The first drug I ever took was cocaine. Cocaine!!! I was 13. By the time high school came about I was about 20 lbs lighter and fearless (on the outside).
In addition, I realized I liked girls and then, boom! - my catholic upbringing sealed my deal with the devil himself. I dove head-first into finding someone- anyone, to tell me I was loveable and loved. Not my family mind you- they don't count, they have to love me- but a significant other. And thus began my life of never believing in myself and always looking for another's approval to know I was okay.

Needless to say, I was disappointed on so many occasions. I turned my creative drinking and drugging into an art form. It gave me comfort, courage and the ability to tell people what I really thought about life. Unfortunately - or fortunately - I was so little that a lot almost took me out. I went to treatment 12 times. So many times in so many different institutions and cities that they all started to blur together. Everyone who approached me would want to know why I just couldn't get better. Girlfriends, counselors, friends, family, social workers, etc. they all said the same thing and I just couldn't find the clarity to see my life as better being sober. Eventually I hit the bottom of hell and still refused to give up my lifestyle. Why? I don't know, but I do know it is easy to judge people's worlds without having walked in their shoes- so I just wanted to show people a glimpse of literally walking in my shoes. Some say I was a tad schizophrenic, others say I was suffering from trauma or severe depression, but regardless I felt safe.

I don't live my life in a blur anymore- I wake up instead come to, but I always know one sip, hit, smoke etc. and I will be right back into that clouded collision I called life.

Cast Work | Poster Grrl

The cast of this film just sort of fell into place. I had worked previously with Danielle Talbot's mother Amy on another film so when Ason sent me her info I just knew she was the my Poster Grrl- Renée. Getting her to audition actually took some prodding from my Fringe Life cohort Angela Makeever.


Angela called Amy and Amy called her kiddo and then bada boom bada bang Danielle auditioned and she nailed it!




The rest of the cast I hand picked from actors I trusted and knew were on board with the theme of Poster Grrl. We did have a miss on the Young Renée because the part is pretty in your face truth about what went down in Renée's early years, but in the end Megan Toler stepped up and delivered an amazing performance!



I really want to thank the young man who was brave enough to play Doug- Renée's abuser who wrecked her world. Michael Morrow was perfect and played the part a little too close to home- but perfect. Thank you Michael Morrow for your courage!!

Producing | Poster Grrl

Money money money money money... I have been blessed to have had my entire family on board and a few friends with helping finance the film, they believed in me enough to contribute and it definitely helped. I can't explain how much it costs to make a short film, but it didn't matter because she was getting made regardless of the consequences. Debt debt debt debt debt... I am happy to pay it back and have it hang over my head. I have never really lived until I realized my potential. This is my film. This is nothing short of BEAUTIFUL. Thank You! We made this for everyone so watch it and feel how you need to feel- if you don't get it then you have traveled with Renée's mind.



I am so excited to say we made you a good film and we are in the process of making you another- our first feature Sex & Violence. Just you wait and see what we do with this one!