Ever flicked through old photos of days you don't remember and never had, other people's days? Seeing your parents or grandparents in black and white, seeing them captured in time at a brief moment of happiness, a defining event, a wedding, a birth, a funeral. Nostalgia creeps in and the imagination wanders into the past and considers, what was going on, what were they really thinking?
In someway, it is voyeuristic, a fly on the wall look into a snapshot of time that was never meant to be seen by the viewer, a glimpse behind the curtain. When a couple takes their wedding photos, they are hoping for photos they like, they are not considering that their children and grandchildren may see them in years to come. There is a certain amount of honesty in this as even though it is an engineered view of a moment, it is developed with the preferences of the person in mind, not the future preferences of those to come.
I find it fascinating to see old photos, even of people I knew nothing of as there are telltale signs and often, the repetitive nature of life can be seen across generations. We see where we come from and, we may just get a glimpse into our future. It is possibly why so many people fear getting old as, they have seen it happen to others, the photos of youth face the reality of old age.
One of my fears in this world is not being able to be here for my daughter, not be able to see her grow and turn into whatever she is going to become in her life. I assume, all parents have this fear and it is a driving force for many to fight for survival, to do it for their children. But, things happen, life happens, death happens. There are no guarantees.
Yesterday I wrote about legacy and how the, how we are ripples across time and none of this is more clearly seen in the impact we have on those closest to us, especially our children. A parent plays a very large part in a child's life, even if not there.
My wife's brother in law passed away when in his early 30s leaving two young children and even though his DNA lives through them, so do the memories they hold of him. The fragments real or imagined of who their father was, how he was and these will become their connection of him for a lifetime. Stories from others who reflect on who he was, photos of a young man they never really knew.
my writing has become an extension of my photos, a glimpse into who I am and how I am, my thoughts, feelings and at times my art; whether that be through words or in other forms. Not everything is of value to look back upon but one day, perhaps this could become my daughter's only connection to her father, to where she came from and maybe a glimpse into the opportunities and risks of following footsteps.
There are potential benefits for her to get this information, to see this side and be able to compare it to whatever reality she experiences with me, the stories she hears from others and, the memories she might only think she has. She may find possibility in the words or, peace and serenity as she heals an ill. The consequences are unknown.
There is immediate benefit for me also as each day through my writing I am forced to reflect on where I myself have been, what I have experienced and how it has brought me to this point. I can consider my position and then, work out what the next steps are and, my daughter plays a part in the process every day, actively not passively, with intention not habit. The path I take keeps me honest.
It makes me really think about what I am doing it makes me examine life with more sensitivity than I would otherwise and, it helps me see how things and we, are all connected in many more ways than we are not. This has value for me.
When it comes to what will happen in the future whether it be tomorrow or in 50 years from this day, it is impossible to predict with any kind if surety. No parent actively chooses death to aggressive cancer, t leave their children. No person can avoid all risk. Countless have been lost in ways that they would not have chosen if they had the choice. War, famine, violence, illness or if lucky, old age. The great equalizer as they say is, unavoidable.
But, like I mentioned yesterday, we live in through the ripples we create, our actions, words and behaviors become the foundations for tomorrow and no matter what our choice, we all affect future time and space. It doesn't matter how we are remembered or if we are remembered, what matters is what moves on from us and whether it moves with grace and dignity to improve or bitterness and regret to destroy.
I do not know where she will go or how she will go in her life but, I will thank her for the memories she will make in the future, just in case I am not there to make them part of mine. As she flicks through the images I have taken and reads the words I have written, whether she is harmed or helped, will be up to her.
Taraz
[ a Steem original ]
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