Surely you are familiar with the biblical definition of love, this teaching that we will share will be like a review of something already known. However, whether it is a revision or a new concept, it is the necessary foundation to understand the love that serves as the basis of marriage: a love completely opposed to selfishness.

THE PERFECT PLAN OF GOD

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God has a divine purpose, a plan for relationships between spouses and, like all his plans, is perfect. After all, He devised marriage.

The first marriage ceremony was presided over by God. It was a marriage in a beautiful and perfect garden on an equally perfect day between a man and a woman who were also perfect. Adam and Eve had everything.

The first couple enjoyed perfect love relationships, the kind of love that God wanted the man and woman to enjoy for the rest of their lives. Adam and Eve lived for a time in perfection, without sin. They enjoyed impeccable ardor in which they received the visit of God who walked with them in the cool sunsets. Not a glimpse of sin or imperfection overshadowed the perfect bowl. The Bible tells that Adam and Eve were naked but did not feel shame (Genesis 2:25). And that nakedness transcended the mere physical feeling since they coexisted with total transparency between them and with God.

God had promised great blessings to this first couple and had given them full access to the entire garden, with only one condition. "All the garden belongs to you, besides God said to Adam: and you can eat the fruit of all the trees and plants with the exception of one, I have arranged a tree in the middle of the garden that you should not eat from. knowledge of good and evil, and you are not able to tolerate such a burden, therefore, if you eat of that tree, you will die "(personal paraphrase verses 16 and 17 chapter 2 Genesis).

GOD'S PERFECT PLAN IS RUINED

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It is important to remember that both Adam and Eve knew the consequences of disobedience. They were fully aware that God had forbidden them to eat from that one tree. However, the enemy made use of a language laden with deception and selfishness that attracted and tempted Eve.

"Is it true that God told them not to eat from any tree in the garden?" (The snake said) ... It's not true, they're not going to die! God knows very well that when they eat of that tree, they will be opened the eyes and they will become like God, knowing good and evil "(Genesis 3: 1, 4-5).

The whole story is known to all. Adam and Eve ate of the forbidden tree and because of their disobedience a divine curse fell on all humanity, a fact that caused the definitive tragedy of the history of man. Sin and selfishness stained our existence forever from that day. It was at that moment when we lost the perfect communion with God, the one that God had planned for us. It was an instant from which every human relationship we maintain, even marriage, is marked by the divine curse.

FIRST MATRIMONIAL FIGHT OF THE HISTORY

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The tragic chain of events led to the first marital fight in history, induced by selfishness. When God confronted Adam for his sin, the latter accused his wife: "The woman whom you gave me as a companion gave me this fruit, and I ate it" (Genesis 3:12). When God went to Eve to know the other version of what happened, he did not get an answer too different. She cursed the environment and the circumstances. "God, you can not hold me responsible for this, the snake cheated on me!" Cursed her! "

What you think, dear reader, this whole sordid scene reflects a horrible but very vivid image of selfishness in action. It reveals two people who give in to temptation, sin against God and each other, and then cover themselves. All in an attempt to avoid acceptance of the guilt and consequences of their sin. The husband blamed God and his wife, while the woman blamed the circumstances.

Dear reader, is all this known to you?

As a result, the marvelous marriage relationship that God had designed as a perfect union that would benefit both man and woman and glorify Him, failed to fall into a bitter exchange of accusations and recriminations.

Since then, things have not been the same again.

THE PROBLEM NUMBER ONE OF MARRIAGE

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The number one problem of marriage, a setback that arose in the Garden of Eden with Adam and Eve. Since then we have seen him all the time to this day. It's still the main problem in your marriage and mine. What is it about?

Of selfishness!

We all suffer the sin of selfishness that lies at the center of almost every couple problem.

In a study conducted in the United States in the 70s. Marriage counselor Williard F. Harley (son) wrote:

Those of us who try to save marriages struggle every day with cultural beliefs and practices that hinder our task. The sudden emergence of divorces during the 1970s, which made the United States the country with the highest divorce rate, has a lot to do with changes in basic beliefs. More precisely, it has to do with a considerable increase in egocentrism. Beliefs that encourage egocentrism destroy marriage.

I'm completely in agreement with Dr. Harley. And that's why my advice to all the couples of the Blockchain and those who seek to finalize a marriage relationship is that we must avoid by all means being selfish spouses.

This counsel commands us to do in marriage what the apostle Paul has taught us: "Do nothing out of selfishness or vanity, but rather humbly consider others superior to yourselves" (Philippians 2: 3).

It seems simple, right? However, our number one problem, selfishness, complicates things.

It is probable that we can advance in marriage if we manage to incorporate in our relationship the advice to avoid being selfish.

THE ROAD TO RECOVERY

How to know if we are on the way to recover the spaces of perfection of relationship of couple or marriage that we had in the Garden of Eden in the company of our God? How do we know if we are cured of selfishness?

Love. Love is the answer.

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Let us make an explanation of this word that suffers from the excessive use by our society. "We love" everything from people to pets, from a hobby to pizza. It has become a superficial word when in reality it has a very deep meaning. We have diluted it. So, if love can restore health to our marriage and assure us that selfishness will be under control, let's take a moment to restore the value that the word love has. There is no better place to find the true meaning of the word love than in the Bible. God is love and in his Word he has given us clear instructions about life, love and marriage.

The new testament contains a whole range of Greek terms that we translate for love. Each of these Greek words describes a unique type of love, a different aspect of love or a more or less deep degree of love.

Consider what we might call sentimental love, brotherly love and eternal love.

Sentimental Love

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The Greek term for this kind of love is eros, and it is the type of erotic love that sells the most in romantic novels and movies.

It is important to clarify that erotic love is not "bad", since God created it. Read Solomon's Song of Solomon and see how God planned that erotic or sentimental love develop within marriage.

This kind of love has to do with the "chemistry" between husband and wife. It is an exciting mixture of passion, physical attraction, affectionate act and sexuality. Romantic love is a wonderful gift from God for a man and a woman to share in the marriage commitment.

Fraternal love

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The Greek term for brotherly love is Filia. It refers to affection, to the emotional bond between two people. Eros, or sentimental love, makes a person feel crazy for love or blind with love, as if there was something irresistible in the other person that would attract the enemorado to those relationships. However, Filia or fraternal love involves the idea of ​​choice, it is an act of the will.

The best marriages in the world are those where the spouses not only fall in love but also choose themselves as best friends.

In this type of marriage, the spouses can affirm that they have married their "best friend". These couples have so much in common that they enjoy each other's company, even beyond the purely sexual aspect.

Eternal love

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Sentimental love and fraternal love are based, to a certain extent, on mutual pleasure, satisfaction and fulfillment. However, the "eternal love" is so concerned with the other person that does not expect anything in return.

At its maximum expression, the "eternal" love is the one that God showed. The Lord poured out that unconditional love when he sent his Son, Jesus Christ. It is something we do not deserve and there is nothing we can give in return.

The Greek word to reflect this type of love is agape. It is such an exclusive term that it does not appear frequently in Greek literature outside of the Bible. It is as if it had been created and reserved only to express God's love for us.

In marriage, this kind of love is what supports the comings and goings of sentimental love and the swings of brotherly love. It is the love that transcends the romantic feeling and that arises from devotion. It is not based on feelings but on a lasting commitment. Love eros has to do with the body, Filia is related to the soul, but agape is a matter of the spirit.

Many couples try to carry on the marriage with a third or, at most, with two thirds. Some have only physical relationships, but when the passion is extinguished, the marriage ends. Others have physical and fraternal relationships, but the day comes when the friendship is cut and the marriage is over.

However, when the spouses enjoy a "three-thirds" marriage, they have full relays. Beyond what happens in the other levels, agape love sustains marriage and gives it depth and vitality.