As I've mentioned in a previous post, my wife and I recently went through a very painful life and career transition. As I have sat down periodically to reflect - which I mostly do through writing - I have found that at times poetry is a better medium for expressing thought and emotion than prose.
This poem is partly a prayer. I have been greatly influenced by King David in the Bible whose prayers are often amalgamated with complaints, worship, vindictiveness, pain, adoration, and so on. Another way to say it is that his prayer was simply honest. This prayer is an honest reflection and petition. I hope it encourages you!
As I lay at anchor, moored to the pier,
I am secure, at home even in the tempest.
Restless, perhaps, but held fast,
Tethered to something firm, unmoving.
No exploration, no adventures.
Safe from the unknown and the unknowable.
Is this all there is? The horizon beckons.
Dare I leave the safety of this harbor?
Tender waters lap against the hull,
While thundering waves cast up white foam
Out beyond the breakers, contrasting
Peace against the wild fury of the sea.
Quite suddenly I am adrift again,
And as I glide across the quay toward
Another quiet resting spot,
The skies darken and angry winds begin to howl.
Why are You angry? Why do You assail me?
Attempts to make berth at other fair havens
Are repelled. Black and green skies
Darken the harbor with foreboding hues.
Restless hands reach up from the depths
And laid hold of me, desperate to pull me down.
The tiller oscillates wildly and icy panic
Displaces calculated, rational thought.
Are You restraining me? Detaining me?
Or are You thrusting me out?
Are You are concerned about more important matters?
My integrity? The position of the bow?
Yes. Ah, but more than that, I am your Maker.
I hewed, planed, positioned, and crafted you.
I love you. You must know you are blessed!
I commissioned you. And I commission you.
Ok. Blow, fierce wind! Rage, wonderful sea!
I will set sail and risk again.
Blow me where You will!
In the face of my fear, I yield to You.
Deep down I know I’m not made for the harbor
But perhaps for brief periods of respite.
Take me beyond the breakers if You must.
Blow me where You will.
Help me embrace uncertainty,
The insecurity of the restless ocean,
Not knowing the stability of contact with land,
But the constant change of a fluid world.
The orientation of the rudder,
The position of the sails… somehow You
Have entrusted these to Me, under Your command.
But the wind! The wind…
Unpredictable. Sometimes steady,
Absent others. Sometimes stiff and unyielding,
As if on some fiery mission,
Full of life and translucent meaning.
I yield. I raise the sails.
Blow me where You will.
Oh, master Mariner. Oh, Lord of Heaven and Earth,
Blow me where You will!
Adventure, exploration, the horizon beckons.
The only safety I know is an untethered
Trust in Your sovereign reign over the created order,
And Your eternal commitment to me.
Be still. Dash me against the rocks.
Land me on some distant shore.
Return me once more to a safe abode.
It matters not. I am Yours to fling out or draw back.
Like a sword that flashes in the hand of the warrior.
Thrust out, sheathed.
Raised in triumph, lowered in defeat.
Drawn out. Hidden again.
Blow me out, breathe me back in. It matters not,
Because I am Yours. And You are worthy.
Oh, Lord of Heaven and Earth,
Blow me where You will.