Aaaaaaaaaaa, Voices.....!

In my room, there is the voice of pedestal fan. Kids are watching T.V. with high volume so the voice of T.V. could over power the voice of fan. They are chattering too.

I come out of my room. Room cooler is creating its noise. One kid is crying. The others are playing and shouting. Two others are fighting and arguing. One is scratching her toys on the floor. Ladies are chattering. To compete with other voices, their volumes are high.

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T.V in my room is switched off. The voice of T.V is coming from another room. Two kids have taken tabs. The voices of poems, music and cartoons are coming from them. There are many indistinguished voices.


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Every voice is in competition with the other voices. Everyone wants to be heard. All the volumes are high. Some are with unbearable pitch.

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There is no moment of peace available. Throughout the day, some voices are at work. One disappears, the other emerges. These voices are too much.

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They are unwanted and unbearable. They do not let me sleep either. When I sleep, the music, poems and other sounds I hear all the day keep striking in my head. These voices are driving me crazy. I feel like screaming

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but I cannot show my anger. I am supposed to be happy. It is my house (not mine, my parent-in-law's) and I have to manage to live in a big joint family. I have to prove myself a good daughter, a well- mannered daughter- in- law, and a cooperative wife. I have to bear all these voices that are making me mad.

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There was a time when being in big gatherings for about a few days made me depressed. (In Pakistan, we have such gatherings at the time of wedding ceremonies and funerals. Relatives from all arround the country come to stay at the house of relative where the program is arranged). I felt crying for no apparent reasons. I became irritated and frustrated for no reasons.

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I myself didn't understand the reason behind my unusual behavior. It took me a long time to understand that the reason behind my negative mood was noise pollution. The science has established the fact that even a slight increase in unwanted ambient noise causes higher anxiety, frustration, depression and other cognitive impairment source.

Since childhood, I am a peace lover. I always loved harmony and organization in my surroundings. Just imagine, what the condition of my mind and heart would be. I am living in these unwanted voices for more than 8 years. I don't know how many more years I have to live. The irony is I have to live with a smiling face to maintain harmony in the relationships that are imposed on me.

These voices are rotting my heart and rusting my soul. My cognitive abilities are not working properly (if not impaired). All my body's energies are directed towards coping the negative effect of voices to keep me sane. At times, I literally feel the neurons in my mind are striking with each other. I am now facing the problem of focus of attention. I feel it difficult to concentrate. I am losing my own self. Oh God! These voices are killing me inside me.

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I want some relief. I feel like running away in woods where there is no one arround me. Not a single person. There is no voice to interrupt me, no eyes to watch me, no movements to distract me and no relations to care about.


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I want to heal my heart from the deteriorating effects noise has made on it. I want to make my soul visionary and focussed again. I want my imagination to fly the way they used to be before. I want to go to a peaceful place where there is no one except myself. I want to talk to me. I want to hear me. I want to search the meaning of my life. I want to revitalize my energies. I want to regain myself.

I want to live! I want to live!


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This is my entry for bonus round of pob word of the week, solitude

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