Ever left the house and you feel like you are missing something, or have forgotten to do something? You check for your keys and wallet, you think whether you left the stove or iron on but nothing jumps out. Yet, you still can't shake the feeling that you are missing something fundamental. That is how I feel today.
I am missing something I need, a little information or a little advice but, whatever it is, it won't come to mind. It could of course be that I am just annoyed by the morning activities and the posts I have written so far today. In the evening I will try to write something different, something more pleasant perhaps. Maybe I just need to get out of the house or something.
Tomorrow, I am doing something I don't really want to do and said I wouldn't do again which is, shooting a friends wedding pictures. It is a terrible experience in my opinion as the bride has expectations of what they want in their head but no idea as to what they really want or whether it is even achievable. She sent me pictures of 'something likes' to give me an idea of her hopes. Um, yeah, that is a wheat field taken in summer on a sunny day, the other one is with autumn leaves covering the ground and the Eiffel Tower in the background. It is -6 C, everything is covered in snow and it is going to be overcast.
People have expectations of the way things should be and when they aren't met, they get disappointed. Perhaps this is why I feel like I am missing something now. The actions of some people and groups here do get me down even though I have experienced all the behaviours many times before. There is something soul-sucking about Spam comments, there is something that wears at the bones when hypocrisy is highly rewarded. I seem to have expected (hoped) that people would learn to act differently than those we want to be different from. Too much to ask of people.
I can really only do what I do and change what I can change in myself. No matter what I write, how I act, what I wish for or dream of for the future, no one else need ever support it. No matter how hard I work, others can stay frozen in the habits they have learned from the people they do not want to be like. I wonder if people are frustrated by my behaviours and what I say? I think I would be if I were someone else.
I have the tendency to be demanding on people, even when there is nothing in it for me. I tend to push people to support themselves, even when they don't want to. The reason is that I know that if they did push harder, they will question why they didn't act before, invest in themselves earlier.
People worry about the price of Steem, what about the value of who they are and what they offer the world? Are we doing what is required to make the supply of what we each provide worthy of a price increase? Of course, there is not a material cost on being a good husband, father, friend or member of the community, it is much more valuable than anything money can buy. Not many people see it this way though. Maybe it is just the way it is where some people will never understand the value in community nor the costs they may inflict on others.
I want to be successful in what I do, I want to be able to look at what I have done and see the value it has added, watch how it has helped people. I also want to be able to benefit myself, I want to be comfortable sometimes and feel a little bit of security, even if it is just materialistically. I want to offer some space to my daughter to grow without having to depend on others.
I don't expect these results though I work towards, I don't expect help from others although at times I receive it, I don't expect the world to shift to be a better place for us all, even though I know it could be. Well, until I work out what is missing I will keep working for something better than today, even if it will never arrive.
Taraz
[ a Steemit original ]
There are some people here that are underrated in the value they add and the services they provide even though they have very rarely failed and, there are many who are overrated, even though they have rarely proven themselves worthy. When I come across those working toward a better position for us all I am grateful for them, as it gives me hope that maybe they can encourage others to improve also. At the very least, they help me do a little better, aim a little higher and perhaps become a little stronger and when I look in the mirror and see what I have done and what I have become, they will be reflected back. I am thankful for your support.