In the last few weeks, I've been having trouble in the self portrait department. I feel really self conscious, ugly, my skin is bad and I don't even look good in the mirror, let alone on camera.
This is NOT one of those pity party things where I sit here waiting for you to lift me up. It’s called self-esteem for a reason, and it has very little to do with your opinions about me. You guys always say that I look good and fine and sexy and all that, and of course I do! I choose to show you that split second where all things lock in place and I look good. The light, hair, makeup, angle and facial expression, and even after that, it all goes through some photoshopping.
When I first started this blog, it was for me to share my self portraits, my way of letting out feelings I didn't know how else to get out. I put so much into my self portraits, there is almost always a story behind them, even if I don't tell you it all; broken hearts, disappointed, feeling trapped, angry, what ever you can think of. Sometimes I create characters to tell my stories, or just flat out make up a story I had the inspiration for.
Lately I just haven’t been feeling like I want to use half a day trying to make myself look better than I am and get that perfect self portrait. I have a lot of great ideas, that I can not do because I don't feel good about myself in from of the camera. I do nothing half heartedly, so I won't do them because I would hate the end result, no matter what you guys say about it, (you are too nice anyways). I also don’t want to waste a good idea by executing it badly.
I’ve slowly started to add photographs other than myself; nature sceneries and pictures from some travels. I was actually very surprised at first when you guys actually wanted to see more from me than my half naked self. I felt happy, and relieved, because I have a lot more to share than just some selfies, and I don’t want to create the illusion that is Eveuncovered, every damn day. I know I’ve already mastered the self portraits, but now I want to master all other kinds of photography too. I’m actually waiting on a delivery of a new lens, to replace the horrible kit lens I’ve had for about 8(!?) years…
My blog was and always will be heavy on the photographs, wether it is about me, nature, food or travels, depending on my mood and what I am doing. I am thankful that you guys have supported and encouraged me in all those different areas of photography.
Thank you.
PS. How ironic is it that I took a self portraits for a post talking about not wanting to take self portraits... Well, the light made me do it and that is what guides me.
PPS. Just this once, I put up the full size photograph, just open the pic in a another tab. You can get real up close and personal.