Out of curiosity, how often do you feel judged through the generic words of others? How often do you hear a statement or read an article and feel that emotional response that comes when being criticised?
Was it aimed directly at you? Probably not, right?
I write across a lot of topics and most of them are raising questions about society, culture, community or individual positions for discussion. What I find interesting is the amount of defence it raises. Very few of my articles are directed at anyone yet, some people tend to feel that they are targeted in some way. Good.
I don't mean that I am actually targeting them but what this points to is that they are considering the questions personally and reviewing their position. I don't mind the arguments that come but, do people consider what this actually means when they feel attacked through indirect words?
To me it indicates that they haven't fully considered their positions. If you believe that what you are doing for yourself as an individual in relation to the rest of the world is the best thing, why feel attacked? The problem is that because they likely haven't considered it fully, they do not actually know whether their position is solid. The questions from random sources that raise emotions should indicate this for if they had considered it, they wouldn't have an emotional reaction, it would be a rational and logical one.
I know that for me personally, I come up against this often enough to see it in myself. I feel that my position is good but when that emotion raises and I feel attacked, I know that good or not, it isn't fully considered. For me to argue from this point, would be to argue from a position of emotional weakness that would likely very quickly discover many holes. Again, it happens.
However, the times I am able to catch it before I respond, think a little/lot if it is just me or ask for clarification if I can, I find that my position may adjust somewhat, change completely or, strengthen incredibly. From here, I can concede the weakness or, present the strengths of my position. I am not great at this, but I hope i am slowly improving.
Reacting emotionally to something is an indication of poor position in one way or another. It could be that behaviour is poor and the questions raised give a look in the mirror, it could be that the position is lopsided in its evaluation and even if good, hasn't been considered or, it could be that one is unable to control the emotional response which will inevitably lead to conflict, not resolution.
When we feel judged it means we feel attacked and taking this position makes us feel as if we are the victim and even random words that hit a nerve victimise us. What I find is those who continually keep asking/considering questions and what it means to them on a personal level are generally those who do not get emotionally damaged from the questions themselves and are much more willing and civil in discussion.
When emotions arise, pay attention. Rather than let it control behaviour, find out why it appeared first.
Taraz
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