The Question

What burns inside you to do, to be more than anything in your life?
Explore how that desire formed and how it has changed over your life.

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Back Story

I am the youngest child in my family. Some say I am spoilt. Some say I had a hard life. Depending on your perspective each is true in its way.

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My Dad

He was larger than life. He was great at any sport he tried. He was sent to 'The Braves' baseball camp, as a pitcher, the same year Bob Uecker was there trying out for the position of Catcher. He also knew and hung out with a lot of the old famous Green Bay Packers football team. He was a great golfer. One year he took home the title of Best Golfer of West Bend Country Club. His photo and plaque still hang on the walls at the prestigious golf course.

He was a man that could walk into a room, not know anyone, leave hours later knowing every person by name.

He was happiest throwing parties at our house. He would come home and let my Mom know hours or days ahead of time that a few people were stopping by for a cookout/cocktails/dinner. This lead to about twenty people showing up to eat, drink, and talk stupid until the wee hours of the morning.

The only thing he could not do was fix anything. Everything he tried to fix would last from two hours to a week tops. He owned one clawfoot hammer. The hammer was for hanging pictures on the wall.

The year I was given two roosters and a pair of ducks, so I could join 4-H, he was woken up before dawn to a rooster crowing from our basement. The story goes that he swore and turned to my Mom and said that it sounded like there were roosters in our basement. My Mom informed him that, Yes, there were roosters in the basement and that they were mine.

My Dad, with the help of our neighbor that was an Electrician, proceeded to build me a chicken coop down by the creek that is still standing to this day. The door of the coop never worked right but the building is still standing. I was so proud of that chicken coop and still am to this day.

He was liked and respected by everyone he met.

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My Mom

She is tiny, beautiful, and elegant. She was the Queen of two Colledge Balls in the same year. Her Mom made her a different dress for each Ball.

She is the best cook ever. My friends would always ask if my Mom was baking. If I said yes they would ask to come over to play at my house.

She fixed toilets, electrical problems, and sewed like a dream. All my clothes, swimming suits included, were made by her until I went to First Grade. Each Christmas she would make my dolls new outfits. They would be dressed up in their new clothes sitting on the couch for me to find each year.

When I started school full time she went back to work full time. She would come home and make a full meal each night. We would all sit at the dinner table and eat as a family. You were made to eat everything on your plate. You had to ask permission to leave the table when you were done eating.

She is a beautiful singer. When I was in eighth grade she joined a huge choir that sang at the Performing Arts Center twice a year. Every couple of years the concert choir would travel to a different country and sing for two weeks. Each trip made her happy. She got to sing and see the world.

She was very involved with my town's charity work. Each year 'The Community League' put on a huge antique show. Only the best vendors were asked to come. She was elected President and Vice President. She was also always in charge of the kitchen for the show where they fed over 300 people each day for three days.

My Mom can throw a party for twenty people without batting an eye. She was the perfect hostess. Every person that came to one of my parents' parties always left full and happy.

She was liked and respected by everyone she met.

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My Brother

The First.
The One.
The Only.

A natural athlete that hated sports.

He was very smart. He did great in school until they brought in the 'New Age' way of teaching. Learn at your own pace and the honor system is not a good game plan.

He was cool. He had the coolest friends. He was well-liked. He was well known. If you were having a party he was always invited. If he had a party everyone came.

He was three years older than me. If he went to a party I could go along because my Mom thought he would watch out for me. I was able to do a lot of things at an early age because of this line of thinking.

His friends became my friends. I was untouchable. I was looked out for by all the cool, good looking, older guys.

He was liked and respected by everyone he met.

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The Answer

I was unseen.

I was Carl's daughter, Mary's daughter, and Mark's little sister. People didn't have to get to know me, the real me. I was just always there in the background. With three blinding lights to look at, I was lost in the shadows.

Seeing my best friend since birth getting run over by a school bus and die at the age of seven didn't help matters. I lost the one person that liked me for being just me.

I came to embrace the shadows. Growing up I spent a lot of time outdoors alone in the woods or by the creek. I have always had a vivid imagination and would spend each day making up stories while I played.

I turned sixteen. I was finally the legal age to be able to go out and get a job. The problem was I lived three miles from the closest place I could work. I did not own a car but I did have two very healthy feet. While making my weekly run to the Public Library I saw a sign that said there was an opening for a part-time position.

I applied. I had an interview. I had to talk them into hiring me because they did not think anyone would walk three miles to a job every day. I started that job making $2.95 an hour. During the school year, I worked twenty hours a week. Summertime we worked forty hours per week.

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The best part about my first job was no one knew who I was. No one. I did not offer any information either. It was so freeing. I was liked for just who I was. I was a hard worker and was trusted with many jobs others were not able to do.

The minute I started working I started to save for a car. My Mom still worked fulltime so she needed her car during the day. At night my brother took her car. Sometimes he remembered to pick me up from work. No one took my Dad's car but him. You knew not even to ask.

After seven months of walking to work, a friend told me about an old car her boyfriend needed to sell. He wanted $300.00 for it. It was a manually driven car. I had no idea how to drive a stick shift car. I bought it anyway. It took me about three weeks to be able to drive, smoke, and drink a can of soda while shifting gears comfortably.

I was finally free.

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I was making my own money to buy what I needed. I had a car I did not have to ask to use. No more waiting for others to remember I too had places I wanted to be.

From the first job I learned, I was a good person. I learned I was responsible. I learned that everything wasn't always my fault. I grew in confidence each day because of that. The car gave me the freedom to leave the house when I wanted to. I always made sure I had a full tank of gas. Drives out in the country with music blaring are some of the best memories I have.

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Conclusion

What burns inside you to do, to be more than anything in your life?

Just to be me.

Explore how that desire formed and how it has changed over your life.

From growing up in the shadows I learned that each of us is a human just trying to live. It taught me to treat everyone the same. It doesn't matter who you know or where you are from. I treat everyone the same until you show me otherwise.

We are free to be just who we are. You will be surprised at what you will learn once you let the real you out to play.

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