Parents have popularized the the phrase "big boys don't cry" over the years without knowing the underlying implications associated with it's use.
I know we use it with the aim to strengthen our sons and also build their self esteem, but unfortunately, it ends up destroying their self esteem and their precious and wonderful personalities.
In the 1970s, American Psychologist Paul Ekman identified 6 basic emotions of man, namely anger, surprise, happiness, fear, sadness and disgust.
He added that all these emotions are experienced by all humans no matter their culture.
That means that everyone, whether male or female naturally experience these emotions.
My question now is, =hy are some of us trying "ignorantly" though to stop our boys and potential husbands and fathers from expressing thier true feelings simply because they are men.
Some Effects of the phrase BBDC or Sisi on our sons.
» Loss of confidence and trust in you: your son tends to talk to you less as he begins to see you as judgmental and hides happenings in his life from you.
He prefers to confide in friends who might give him wrong advice that might be detrimental to him.
» He may become cold hearted and unloving: This is likely to grow with him into adulthood.
He begins to have issues with his wife which can lead to failure in marriage as he is bereft of how to show love and affection towards his wife so as not to be seen as weak.
» Loss of Value and Self Esteem: Men are naturally egotistical and as such any negative remark on them is highly injurious to their overall performance and personality.
» Possibility of joining a bad group to boost ego: This especially happens when we refer to them as a Sisi.
I have heard parents tell their boys, stop crying like a Sisi. This is very dangerous and can lead the child into trying new things like drugs or cultism thinking that such will make him bold and strong as man should.
» Perfectionism: We all know that it is rare to see a %100 perfect child or human. unfortunately, your mistakes pushes this child on a journey to please you by all means.
And if you are not observant and continue degrading his emotions, it could lead to the next point.
» Tendency to become violent and reckless: This is a disastrous situation as it most times grow with them into adulthood.
He begins to withdraw from people, throw tantrums or easily irritated, and experience mood swings.
All these happens as a result of so many bottled up emotions that he is ashamed to express for fear of being termed a Sisi or called weak.
These attitudes in adulthood will be detected in men as they begin to work long hours, stay away from home, indulge in alcoholism, withdrawal from friends and family, and becomes violent towards wife and children.
This gives rise to the last but serious point.
» Depression: Numerous studies have shown on different occasions that the highest causes of depression and suicide among children, teenagers and youths are mental, emotional and physical abuse.
Possible Remedies
» Use uplifting and encouraging words on your child no matter his or her mistakes.
» Shower praises on your child whether male or female and celebrate all their achievements.
Doing this helps them do more as they truely desires to make you proud.
Have you seen the kind of joy they exhume when they are praised? It's so genuine and fulfilling as they believe you mean every word.
» Please allow your boy child to cry, it is not a crime. Crying according to studies has it's benefits.
Some of which are catharsis: it is the body's way of purging or purification of hurtful feelings.
It also restores emotional and mental balance, dulls pain, detoxifies the body, etc
» Learn to pray daily and declare great words over your children and watch them become it.
» Strive to correct them with love and understanding, the
same way you will love to be corrected.
They are human beings too and they will understand what ever message you are trying to convey.
The truth is shouting worsens the situation, creates contempt and rebellion. While using of the cane should be very minimal and for serious offences since it's constant use hardens them.
I currently discuss quietly with my 4year old son whenever he does wrong. He sees my point and apologizes.
If you have learnt from this piece, feel free to share and also comment .
May God
teach us daily how to raise these bundles of joy...
