So I remembered I wrote this a very very long time back.
It sure was funny and was my thoughts at the point.
I'll be posting it here.
So here goes:
Letter
I really don't know why I'm writing this, cos I'm pretty sure I've not read anything to spike the love bug in me or wasn't even seeing a movie or any other reason why one might just up and decide to write something of this nature. I'm neither the lovelorn nor the mushy kind I show off to different sects of people around. (scratch that I fnk I'm mushy jre)
Sometimes I see you and you and you and you (you here is talking about the different girls I've met in my life) and I fnk I've found the one but suddenly the way they do one or two or all fngs wet the embers of the flame I thought I had on for them or is it by them. It could be the fact that she smiles too much or laughs too much or isn't as smart as her height or face portrays or whatever reason that made me hiss and get tired of them. Yes I'm sapiosexual and I've met several smart girls (I've never been scared of banting with those sorts) but they end up doing something that makes me hiss and leave them (not leave them hurting dou)
I remember talking with Emmanuel Eyo in the toilet at Secondary school (not same toilet stalls ooo!!!!) nd answering his question on my kinda woman by saying one with Brain, beauty and good behavior (ion fnk that fat boy would even remember this) nd I can say in my years on Earth I've seen/met so many who happen to be a universal set of these parameters but I never felt that connection with them (I still don't even though I'm great friends with most of them atm)
I met you on 11th of September (don't think I know the date, wentu check the day I sent the video to Joke) nd shook my head thinking what sorta pk is this, talking all through the service (ion fnk you would show anybody this cos they would be riled up that you speak during services) and making smart ass comments at me instead of shaking head like my pk's in Lagos do when I do/say something to them. I got to know you, laugh with you, argue with you and all what not nd I've come to the conclusion that YOU CAN BE ANNOYING!!!!!!
You're absolutely stunning, sweet, a terror, a pain an annoying friend but one I would wantu have forever. Until I got to this point of this writing I ddnt smile but now I've got a wide smile on my face nd I can say without mincing words that I'll miss you fiercely nd would proudly tell Emmanuel Eyo that at a point in life I met someone that was a 2.0 version of all I told him. Your urge to always tell me you wantu fart when you're driving, your driving techniques toh ku die k'ato, your pinches, your need to stump and shake your legs while sitting, your looking at my phone and wanting to know why I'm laughing den acting like uon care again. Your being so plain and complex could be brain tasking and I remember how many times I said I so wasn't going to be interested to pursue you again.
I fnk you've been hurt before (just some gut feeling nd d way you flinched a bit nd were so angry when telling me about the 7-yr break up of Sissy glasses ati Oko Agbowo) nd I can say I would try my utmost best not to make you feel in such a manner again nd if you want us to kill him or do something else, I'm so down. There was a "not" between "so and down", I guess it ddnt show.
We've got some more years, we've got Rivers and London between us nd I do hope the years move faster than 2016 moved (swap move with fly). I'll keep really busy while coping with missing you, your smile, your pinch, your small hand (last time I'll talk about the hand---yinmu). I run away from commitments and distance but with you I'm ready to go for it, I was talking with a friend about Rivers and London (yea, all my friends know the name Anjola atm, some call you Angie but I always warn them that uon like it) nd she was like "you still wanting to go for it means you're in love ooo nd I sure hope this doesn't bite you in your ass" (sic).
You said you don't know me that well, well let me tell you somethings. I'm annoying, I get mood swings, I eat a lot, I crave attention, I could get angry at the slightest of things but wont even get angry at seriously annoying head cracking things, Ion like pple not replying my texts, I hate when things don't go my way (though with you, I guess Amma be loosing these things a lot cept for some that I would plant my feet down like the chewing gum battle of Sunday the 13th), when uon pick my calls or reply texts I fnk the worst of things have happened to you or you're doing what you shouldn't be doing with who I know or maybe don't know), I've been hurt terribly by a girl (way over it now though), I might have hurt some girls too (a friend joked once and was like I would need bullet proof vestsss on my wedding day for my wife nd shld prolly do a low key wedding), I have LOT of female friends and FANS (some that ion even know), I'm actually romantic regardless of how macho I act (not sure sha), I love good endings to stories and I'm a sucker for love. Btw I have like 3-4 female besties, some female cousins that I'm not even related to also. I flirt a lot but once I'm yours, you can be rest assured that I'm really yours regardless of what you hear or I say (I could tone that down for you). All I said about me were the parts you would supposedly have issues with cos I believe you would by now know my good parts. Also when I say things like "Oi", "Enjoy", "have fun" nd d likes I'm actually tripping. Sometimes I need space and sometimes I need attention when I'm mad (if I told you which I needed at every point it won't make this so much fun naa, so Amma leave you to decipher them yourselves)
I'm hoping this helps you kick me out of your life completely or makes you want to know me and be wf me as fiercely as I want to you (see ehn for the sake of your life ehn it had better be the latter cos you'll be risking calls from me at the oddest of hours along side some sinister voices of mine just to check on you nd in scary manners if you kick me out of your life). Like every relationship (ionno if I shld call this a relationship or a situationship) there would be fights, there would be dramas but I would always make sure you keep being intrigued by what we have, keep smiling when you see my name pop up on your phone, keep grinning without being able to help yourself when you see my picture.
All I need is your word that you're very much interested in what little I have to offer, in building what nothing I have atm to something great for our unborn fruits (I fnk we spoke once and were both in tune on the number of kids we both wanted nd I sure hope we decide to have same together nd just in case you were sleep talking that day we agreed on 2), that you're interested in being proud of me and not disagreeing with me vocally in public but giving me that face that means I shld just keep kwayet and say or do some other things. I've done somethings in the past I'm neither keen about nor proud of some that I might have forgotten but would be sure to tell you about as they come to mind.
Ion like when you shout, like you did when I was checking your letter, it was petty. I want an open relationship not open like Hollywood does oooo, open as in one where we're not scared to talk to each other, open as in one where you can tell me anything, open as in one where we don't need to try to pretend to impress one another, open as in one where each eye movement, hand slight, hair scratch could be a code and way of communicating with me and could also be just as plain as they seem also.
Aunty, I want you nd I'm ready to change all of me for you (ka ma puro, that one will be a tad bit difficult), I'm ready to add to some of me, I'm ready to be more of a particular kind just for you. I'm ready to be the one you want to always get home and call on the phone pending the time I'm gna be standing at that aisle waiting for you in all of your beauty to walk down and come pick my last name as yours. Cos as Funbi the musician (not that friend of mine you keep thinking is a girl) said in "Adore her" "I'm leaving this place with your number as you would be leaving that aisle with my name" *****I left Joke's whatsapp messages with your number, all that remains is the day you leave that aisle with my name**** he said some fng about not minding your parents see us also cos he's got all good and pure plans for you and I sure hope they get jealous when they see us together (I'm pretty sure I just added that part cos it goes with this train of thoughts). Please I hope you won't be the kinda mum that keeps shouting on the kids like this my neighbor downstairs in Akobo does, it runs me mad ooo.
Most people say I'm smart, in fact those young urns I'm doing masters with look at me in awe like I'm some smart kid and all (not like I'm bring proud) dou I always shake it off with some jokes and yea I joke a lot oooo, sometimes too much. I'm sure your friends would like me (this is not my cocky self talking-just a statement of fact) & my friends would take a liking to you also else they could hike to no man's land nd not come back. I have Lotta pple arnd me and I sometimes mix up their names but not all of them are friends most are just acquaintances (if I've never told you about them before you meet them or do not say some fng real nice about them while introducing you to them just smile, be polite and don't strike a conversation with them den you cld pinch me after nd ask if that's one of them.
This is me, once again baring all my cards in the open, ready for hurt, ready for whatever it is or it isn't. Aunty be kind to me nd let me know all about you also. You have to have one or two joy teardrops or a big smile plastered on your face whole reading this oo else Amma conclude that I *******
This is the point where I drop my pen and sign but ion fnk any class of writing could classify this as their style so there's no signage tagged to this kind also, so Amma just say be Safe Shugar.
YOU'RE MY EPIPHANY